


Ursa Major

by PuppyLuver256



Category: Smile For Me (Video Game)
Genre: College, Coming Out, Mute Flower Kid (Smile For Me), Nonbinary Flower Kid (Smile For Me), Other, Semiverbal Character, Trans Male Character, roommates to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25311367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuppyLuver256/pseuds/PuppyLuver256
Summary: While Cosmos is away at college, they decide they need to find a new place to live after it's clear student dorm living isn't working out for them. A new roommate could also be a great new friend, or perhaps even something more.
Relationships: Flower Kid (Smile For Me)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 10





	1. The Astronomer and the Architect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (NOTE: This story start out roughly 2.5 years after the events of the Habitat, fall of '96. It's gonna extend at least into early '97 by the end, if not past that.)
> 
> (EDIT Feb 3, 2021: Removed the "slow burn" tag due to my misunderstanding of what exactly "slow burn" entails.)

The first couple months of college had been going pretty well for Cosmos. Well, in terms of actually attending classes and doing the coursework, at least. It certainly didn’t hurt that they had lucked out when searching for a sign interpreter for larger lecture halls, managing to be able to work with their sister’s girlfriend who they already somewhat knew. And the classes themselves were manageable on their own merit, literally the only extra help they needed was communication accommodations. There was only one real problem.

A man by the name of Redd Fields.

Redd wasn’t a bad guy, far from it. He was incredibly friendly, very enthusiastic, and as a bonus he took a lot less time to grasp Cosmos being nonbinary than their own mother, as much as a cis person could at least. By all accounts he was a delightful human being...in small doses. Unfortunately, Redd had been Cosmos’s assigned roommate in student housing, and it was clear from a few days in that their personalities weren’t compatible enough for that arrangement. Redd was an athlete, while Cosmos was a scientist. Redd liked partying, Cosmos preferred small get-togethers. And while they were comfortable with the fact that nearly anyone would be more chatty than them, Redd was, for lack of a better word, overwhelming. Specifically, he just would _not! stop! saying! “BRO”!_ “Bro” this, “bro” that, “bro” over here, “bro” over there! If they didn’t know any better, they could swear they heard a breathy “brooo” every time the guy snored! It was _infuriating!!_ At least he bothered trying to change it to “bud” when referring to Cosmos specifically, but even so...

“Hey, bud, mind if I ask you somethin’?” Cosmos turned in their seat to face Redd, who was laying in bed and tossing a football in his hands. They nodded once they were sure he was looking at them. “So I get you’re not a guy or a girl, that’s totally cool,” he said, “but if you’re not a girl then why do you dress like one?”

Cosmos rolled their eyes and wrote down their answer on the whiteboard they’d gotten as a graduation present. “ _clothes =/= gender, anyone can dress how they want + i like the skirt swish :-3_ ”

“That’s a good point, bud,” Redd said. “Still, don’t you think people will _assume_ you’re a girl? Or is that kinda the idea?”

“ _i could wear a_ _barrel_ _and people would still assign a gender to me_ ”

Redd laughed at that, and since it _was_ meant as a joke Cosmos couldn’t help but silently laugh as well. In truth, they felt like their assignment to this room with Redd kind of was a gender assignment in and of itself. Now that their mom was better about them being nonbinary she had been very adamant about making sure others respected them as well, and she has insisted that their new school acknowledge their identity so far as they were comfortable. Unfortunately the student housing was divided by binary genders, and those in charge weren’t exactly allowing any one student to have a room to themselves. They had been told that the assignment was based on a coin flip, but they suspected that they’d found their originally assigned gender somehow and gone with that.

Thankfully Redd and the other men on their floor were all cool about them being nonbinary, or at least about them wearing skirts and more “cutesy” things. Just a shame that they all seemed to be either party bros or borderline recluses, is all. They’d love to make some friends their age for once.

A loud chorus of “ _WOOOOO!_ ”s and “ _HELL YEAH!_ ”s rang out from just outside the room. “Nice, sounds like a party atmosphere!” Redd exclaimed. “I’m all in!” He practically leapt out of bed and tossed his football to Cosmos before heading out, and they thankfully managed to catch it before it knocked over anything important. Considering the time of night it was and the rowdiness of everyone outside, they figured they weren’t going to get much sleep tonight. Groaning internally, they wrote themself a quick note to get started on the process of doing something they’d been considering for the past week or so.

They really needed to find a new place to live.

\-----

The next day they only had the one class, so after it had wrapped up for the day Cosmos set about looking for any off-campus housing advertisements that might’ve popped up in the student lounge. They knew a lot of students preferred to rent unaffiliated apartments and often pinned requests for roommates on the bulletin board, and they figured dealing with one or two easier roommates would be better than Redd and the omnipresence of 15-20 party bros. They’d taken all the ads off the bulletin board (with the intent to put them back when they were done, of course) and set about going through them all with Jaymee, who had no real reason to stick around after Cosmos’s class had ended other than both to waste time before meeting their sister for a date and because she’d started to consider them her friend at this point as well.

“Geez, all these ads and not one email address,” Jaymee groaned. “You’d think more people would be using emails by now and would think to include them. This is so stupid...”

“ _In all fairness, I’m probably the only one here who literally can’t use half of the phone,_ ” Cosmos signed. They sifted through a few more posted ads, all solely containing a phone number with no nonverbal communication options.

“That’s not the point,” Jaymee said. “You gotta be better about pushing for your own accommodations in the future, all right? You’re not always gonna have someone around to have your back for this. Not that I think you’re destined to be alone, just that you might be at the store with no writing material and no one understanding sign or something.” She sighed as she went through more papers that were useless to them. “If it comes down to it, would you mind me making a call for you?”

“ _Hope it doesn’t come to that, but I appreciate it._ ”

“Yo, bud, whatcha doin’?” Cosmos had forgotten that Redd also had class that day, and he was now approaching them with a large soda in hand. He noticed Jaymee and smiled. “Well, hel- _lo_ there,” he said flirtatiously. “Since when did Cosmos hand around with such casually good-looking ladies?”

“Don’t bother, kid,” Jaymee sighed. “I’m here for work, I’m a bit too old for you, I’m taken, and also I’m a _huge_ lesbian.”

“Geez, you must get a lot of annoying dudes like me trying to put the moves on you, huh...” Redd shrugged and turned his attention back to Cosmos. “So what’s all this paper stuff?" he asked. "Weird space class assignments or something?”

Cosmos made to grab their whiteboard to respond, but the empty feeling where their hand landed on the table told them it either hadn’t been taken out of their bag or was missing entirely, hopefully the former. In any case they couldn’t respond to him just yet, so they made a writing motion on their hand before Jaymee cut in. “They’re looking for a new room,” she told Redd. “Apparently their roommate is super-obnoxious and loud and wants to party every night.”

“ _J-game no! He’s the roommate!_ ”

“...Oh.” Jaymee looked at Redd, who seemed really uncomfortable. “Okay, those words are mine and not theirs, don’t take offense from them if you take any at all.”

“None taken, lady-bro,” Redd laughed, not noticing Jaymee’s glare at the nickname. “I get that I’m probably a bit much, hehe.” He took a swig of his soda before going on. “Y’know what, my buddy Chad’s been looking for a new roommate too,” he said. “This is perfect timing!” Cosmos gave him a look that had enough words behind it that he could read it without them even having to get the whiteboard out. “No, no, I’m not saying you move in with him, if you’re trying to get away from me then he would _not_ be a good second choice for you,” he laughed. “I just figured he could move in with me once you find a place! It’s a win-win!”

Cosmos held up a finger as they turned to where their bag was, hoping that their whiteboard was in there. Thankfully it was, and the little flower and star stickers made them smile as they always did. They wrote out their response and showed Redd the board. “ _that’s great that you prolly won’t have to deal with rs nonsense :-3 i’ll let you know asap when i’m moving dw_ ”

“Hell yeah!” Redd exclaimed. He held out a hand in an invitation for a fist bump, which Cosmos awkwardly accepted, and then he went off to do whatever it was he had come in to do.

“I can see what you mean about him being obnoxious,” Jaymee said with a grimace.

“ _At least he’s not a jerk._ ” They turned their attention back to the roommate requests, their eyes drawn to a particular piece of blue paper. Giving it a once-over, the first thing they noticed was that, so far, it was the only one that contained an email address for contact information. Hell, it didn’t even have a phone number, which was certainly a surprise. By all accounts it seemed pretty average compared to the others; a single tenant looking for one roommate in a two bed unit, fellow students preferred, no smoking indoors, no alcohol since the current tenant was under the legal drinking age, all fairly similar to the others. There was a specific note about preferring a quiet roommate, and Cosmos laughed internally at that. They certainly _would_ be a quiet roommate, should this person accept.

“You find one that might work?” Jaymee asked. Cosmos nodded, showing her the ad with a grin. “Heh, ‘quiet roommate’,” she laughed. “You’d definitely fit that bill, at least.” She handed the ad back to Cosmos, then picked up her own bag to get ready to head out. “I gotta get going, don’t wanna keep your sis waiting too long,” she said. “Oh, if that roommate thing works out, I’ll help you with moving if you need.”

“ _Thanks, I’ll let you know how it turns out._ ” Cosmos smiled. “ _You guys have fun on your date!_ ”

“No need to worry about that,” Jaymee said with a smile of her own before heading out. After she’d left, Cosmos realized that they still had all these papers to clean up. They sighed, folding up the one good ad they’d found before straightening out the papers and replacing them on the board. No sense leaving this mess for someone else to deal with, after all.

\-----

 _ **To:** elshelley@cloudmail.cob  
_ _**From:** palebloomdot@PedalMail.cob  
_ _**Subject:** About roommate request – I’m interested!_

_Hello there! I saw your posted notice about looking for a new roommate for your off-campus apartment. I’m currently looking to move out of my current room in student housing for personal reasons (nothing bad, just somewhat incompatible personalities between me and my current roommate) and your notice seemed like a good fit for me. Truth be told, yours was the only one I could ask about – not to get too deep into personal stuff before we meet proper, but I can’t speak and every other notice I saw only had a phone number for contact. So obviously I’m pretty quiet, and unrelated to that I don’t tend to have parties or otherwise get unruly in a home environment so I would probably be peaceful to have around anyway. I don’t smoke at all and I don’t drink yet, though I do have pretty bad allergic reactions to fragrances so if that’s going to be a problem I’d like to know ahead of time. If you think I might be a good fit, we can schedule a meeting so I can check out the place and see if it’ll work out. Hope to hear back from you soon!_

— _Cosmos Stargazer_

There, that should do it. Now all they had to do was wait for a response. And speaking of email responses, Cosmos noticed that they had a couple from other people. One was from Mom asking about fall break, one was from Trevor letting them know about that new Nintendo console and if they were going to try and get one for their dorm (honestly they were considering it, their birthday was coming up soon so if they hadn’t all sold out yet...), and of course there was one from their most frequent email correspondent. Seeing Boris in their inbox always made them smile. All the Habiticians did, really, but they’d only gotten a lot of emails from the others in the last couple months. Not being able to meet face to face nearly as often would lead to more emails, after all, especially when one of the people involved couldn’t use the phone. Boris’s emails were just a constant that thankfully stuck around.

 _ **To:** palebloomdot@PedalMail.cob  
_ _**From:** Hab_B@PedalMail.cob  
_ _**Subject:** Hel-lo flower Friend!!!_

_How “R” you doign, Cos-mos? Are clasnes go-ing well? Are you haveing “fun” looking att he stares? Evben if their just in books rite-now. I bet you’ll get two look a tthe stars yourslelf soon enough. With the fancey tellescopes and evrything! Or does you’re school have tellescopes? Do you havto go somewear else for “that”? I froget if U told me that befour._

_Ev-er-y thing is pretty normal back home. Putunia is doing grate in school and Kamal has got-ten back into pracktice with his cello it soumds loveley!! Ime try-ing somthing a little “new” myself: dont know why I nevber tryed this b4 but I’m grow-ing lotus flowlers! No particullar reason, they just seemd like a good ideya. ;-) (that’s is a Joke, their is a very very very good reason and you can probally guess it hahaha)_

_Looking foreword to seeing you at brake!! Everyonme says “hi”, even Webby and Willow!_

— _Boris Habit :-)_

It took a bit of time to fully parse Boris’s email, as it usually did given how the guy’s giant garden claw hands affected his typing and him usually not bothering to proofread, but over the past couple years of knowing him they’d definitely gotten better at it. Hell, by this point it was jarring to see the guy type out something without at least _one_ typing mishap in there somewhere. They wondered what he might be doing at this time. Probably either cleaning up his shop for closing or already at home with Kamal and Putunia. God, Cosmos missed them. They knew exactly who they were gonna visit first when fall break came around, at least first after getting back home.

 _ **To:** Hab_B@PedalMail.cob  
_ _**From:** palebloomdot@PedalMail.cob  
_ _**Subject:** RE: Hel-lo flower Friend!!!_

_Hey Boris! It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you. Nice to hear that things are good on your end. Hope your lotus experiment goes well. I’ve heard they’re pretty difficult, but then again, I *am* talking to the guy who got a tooth lily to bloom not just once but several times. You got this. ;-)_

_Things are going great here, well classes are going great anyway. Trying to find a new place to live while I’m here. My roommate’s a good guy, but he’s really Too Much for me. Big party bro type, hard to think straight sometimes. Gotta get away to have some peace and quiet in my downtime. While I’m thinking about it, I’ve got a place I’m looking at right now, so if the current tenant lets me move in would you be willing to help me get my stuff over there? Jaymee already offered to help but I wouldn’t wanna make her move big stuff. Her thumbs are the muscles that get the most work, after all. :-P All joking aside, if you could help with that I'd really appreciate it. I know you were disappointed I wouldn’t let you help with my tuition or car (I know you’re still somewhat “loaded” but that is money you need to save for Putunia’s college mister!!), so you could consider this a more appropriate way of helping. The whiteboard was nice too, btw, I use it every day!_

_See ya either then or during break, whichever happens first._

— _FK_

They sent off the email and were about to disconnect and head out for dinner when they noticed something. It was a new email. A new email from the apartment listing, so soon after they had sent theirs. Well, no harm in checking it out while they were still online themself.

 _ **To:** palebloomdot@PedalMail.cob  
_ _**From:** elshelley@cloudmail.cob  
_ _**Subject:** RE: About roommate request – I’m interested!_

_somehow you’re the first person i’ve gotten a response from. you seem okay. is saturday at 2 good for your schedule? if so we can meet then, if not i can find another time. whenever it is, i just ask that you try to be patient with me. i’ve got some communication issues myself, rather not say more atm._

_btw are you a guy or a girl? i’m cool with whoever, i just wanna know what kind of person i’ll be waiting for so that i don’t accidentally give a neighbor a showing of my place or something._

_thanks  
_ _liz_

Liz, huh? Nice to finally have a proper name for this person, if not a face. Thankfully it seemed they’d get a face for the name soon enough. Since they _were_ still online, they felt it’d be rude to just leave without at least putting a response through, so that’s exactly what they did. They just hoped their quick response time didn’t come off as creepy. They _did_ honestly have a life offline, _really_.

_**To:** elshelley@cloudmail.cob_  
_**From:** palebloomdot@PedalMail.cob  
**Subject:** RE: RE: About roommate request – I’m interested!_

_That’s actually perfect, I’m always free on Saturdays so I can definitely make that time. I’ll try to be as patient as possible – I can definitely understand having people get impatient with communication problems lol. As for guy or girl, my answer is no. (nonbinary, they/them) I wear skirts a lot though, and a lot of bright blues and pinks. I’ll be wearing stuff like that, also I have pink hair and green eyes and I’ll bring my whiteboard. Who else is gonna carry around a whiteboard covered in stickers? :-P_

— _Cosmos_

They really hoped that Liz wouldn’t be a jerk about their gender. It didn’t seem like she (at least they _thought_ Liz was a “she”, could very easily be anything else using a name that sounded like a girl’s name, and they’d feel like a hypocrite for misgendering this person even if it was just in their mind) would be a jerk about their lack of voice, at least. And either way, they’d decided once they had come out that they weren’t forcing themself back into the closet for anyone. If Liz had a problem with that, she would have to either just deal or find someone else.

Though they sincerely hoped that wouldn’t have to happen. They’d rather not live with someone who wouldn’t accept them as they were, and finding someone they could actually contact had been enough of a problem as it was...

\-----

As they turned into the apartment complex that Saturday afternoon, Cosmos took in how nice everything looked. This place must have real good upkeep, they figured, at least for the exterior look of everything. They only hoped that the apartments themselves were as good as the outside looked, that is if they were actually going to be moving here. They circled around to try and find a parking spot closest to the specific apartment in question, already making a mental checklist of all the plants they could recognize even in their early fall state. The one upside to being a florist’s kid with terrible allergies, being able to identify everything that had it out for their sinuses nearly instantly. That bush would kill them, that tree would kill them, those flowers would kill them, _that_ bush would kill them if that cute little dog peeing into it didn’t do the job first with their acidic stream. These things wouldn’t _literally_ kill them, of course, but they knew it would _feel_ like it. And driving on antihistamines was _not_ a good idea.

Even the _name_ of this apartment complex seemed to have it out for them: Amaryllis Court Apartments. It seemed like a nice place at least, and if they ended up living here they’d just have to be careful like they did nearly everywhere else. They glanced down at the clock on their...dashboard? Center console? Whatever that thing was called, the clock was basically spitting on 2 pm, might as well go ahead and make their way to the apartment proper. They turned the car off, grabbed their whiteboard, and stepped out into the pleasantly cool late September air. Double checking the building they were parked near to make sure it was the right one—building 12, good—they made their way up a set of stairs and into an open-air hallway. Building 12, apartment 1224. Not difficult to find in the least. They took in a deep breath and calmly knocked on the door.

There was the sound of steps approaching the door, then a pause in the movement. Cosmos guessed that whoever was in there was checking the peephole, which they had just noticed was installed right under the number on the door, and they gave whoever was looking through a friendly wave. The deadbolt unlatched and the door opened, a young woman around their age soon stepping out. She had pale shoulder-length hair and golden eyes that matched the freckles dotted all over her blue skin. Her clothes were mostly different shades of blue as well, a semi-professional style as a likely attempt to make a good impression. Or maybe that was just what she liked, they weren’t going to judge. “Can, can I he-help you?” the woman asked.

Cosmos nodded, quickly writing their response on the whiteboard and showing it to her. “ _hi! i’m cosmos! i came to take a look at the room, remember?_ ”

“Y-yes, I rrrrem, rremem...I know.” She grimaced, but quickly tried to turn that into a smile and held out her hand. “I’m, I’m Liz," she said. “N-nice to mmmeet you.” Liz seemed pretty frustrated with herself, and Cosmos didn’t blame her one bit as they took her hand and shook. They remembered all the times they could’ve had a much easier time if only they could speak. This must be her own communication issue that she mentioned.

“ _nice to meet you too! you can borrow my whiteboard if you’d rather not talk, i won’t judge :-)_ ”

“Oh! Uh, um...” Liz thought for a bit. “D-do you, uh, d’you sign?”

Cosmos smiled and nodded. “ _that’s actually easier :-3 hafta put this down somewhere i won’t forget it first haha_ ”

Liz sighed in relief. “ _Thanks, you have_ _ **no**_ _idea how much better I feel about this._ ” Her hands moved fast—it was clear that, like them, she was very practiced with signing at speed. She pushed the door open further and motioned for them to come inside, which they did gladly.

As they entered, Cosmos could see the apartment’s interior looked just as well kept as the complex overall. It was clean, cozy, and spacious. Even from just the entryway they could start to see themself living here. They set their whiteboard down on the kitchen counter and and took a look around. “ _I never realized how much I would miss having a proper kitchen after living in student dorms for two months._ ”

“ _It’s pretty handy, yeah._ ” Liz scooted past them and decided to start the tour in the kitchen since they’d brought it up. “ _It’s no state of the art setup clearly, but it works._ ” She pointed to various parts of the kitchen as she described them. “ _Sink with a garbage disposal. A nice dishwasher that you shouldn’t put regular dish soap in, don’t ask how I know that. Oven and fridge are new, got put in right before I got here. Pantry’s spacious, and the cabinets have plenty of room too._ ” She then moved over to the door in the back and lightly knocked on it. “ _Personal laundry. Also fuse box is in here, if we ever need to mess with it._ ”

“ _Getting away from coin laundry would be nice._ ” Cosmos smiled.

Liz led them further into the apartment. “ _Here’s the living room, got a nice couch and everything. This place came with cable, that’s a plus. And over there..._ ” (she pointed to her right, a table with some chairs that was covered in various papers) “ _...is technically the dining room but I end up just tossing my drafts on there and eating on the couch instead._ ”

“ _What kind of drafts?_ ”

“ _Design stuff. I’m studying architecture, building design, that sort of thing._ ”

“ _Sounds cool._ ”

Liz smiled. She then motioned to the door behind her. “ _That’s my room and bathroom. You can’t go in there yet, still need to clear out the air fresheners and I’d rather not take any risks given what you told me._ ” Cosmos nodded in understanding, grateful that she was taking their allergies at least somewhat seriously, and followed Liz as she led them through the living room to another closed door. “ _This would be your room._ ” She opened the door and they both went in. The room was decent, already partially furnished with a bed, night stand, and dresser. It was bigger than the dorm they shared with Redd, with a large walk-in closet and personal bathroom making things that much better.

They made their way through the bathroom back to the entrance, as its double doors made passage through there quicker than going back around through the living room. “ _I really like this place,_ ” Cosmos signed with a grin. “ _It was nice meeting you today._ ”

“ _Likewise. This went a lot more smoothly than I thought it would, thanks for being patient with me._ ”

“ _It’d be kind of silly for me not to._ ” The two shook hands once more as Cosmos prepared to leave. “ _Hope to hear back from you about possibly moving in soon!_ ”

They left the apartment and made their way back to their car. That really _had_ gone very smoothly! They weren’t sure if it was just the back-and-forth sign or what, but they had felt a near-instant connection with Liz. As they got into their car and started getting everything settled and ready to head back, they really hoped that Liz would pick them for the roommate opening...

“Heeeyy! Cos...Cosmmmos!”

Cosmos perked up hearing their name. Liz had followed them outside and was sprinting toward their car, a flat object covered in stickers in her hands. She stopped just in front of their driver side window. “You for, uh, forgot this,” she said, slipping it through the gap in the open window.

“ _Thank you!_ ” They gladly took their whiteboard back. That would’ve been awkward if they’d left without it, even moreso if they ended up being passed up for another tenant.

“ _No problem. Have a safe drive back, I’ll email you again once I've made my roommate decision._ ”

Cosmos nodded, giving a friendly wave before pulling out of the parking lot once Liz had returned to the sidewalk. Something about Liz's wording there gave them more confidence that this would end up well. She’d said “ _once I’ve decided_ ”, after all, not “ _if I chose you_ ” or anything that implied she was meeting anyone else after them.

Almost like she’d already made her decision and just wanted the email to make it formal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think this might be my first Smile For Me fic where neither Habit or Kamal are in a big focus! They'll likely show up at some point beyond just the Habit email, but only like minor appearances. I mainly wanna focus on my flower kid and their post-game future with this story. Also wanted to take a little time to throw in my one stand-alone OC, Jaymee Boyd, and maybe develop her a bit better too. Though I guess she’s not so “stand-alone” anymore, given that she’s now Holly’s girlfriend and Cosmos’s part-time sign interpreter. And because Smile For Today was released either while I was working on this chapter or shortly before (I can’t remember specifically tbh), I decided to throw in references to that in the email addresses, even though my and Tav’s combined post-canon diverges a good bit from how that ended up, hehe. Cosmos’s specific email is definitely a reference, yes, wonder if anyone caught it back when I used it in Shattered Serenity. It probably won’t take billions and billions of brain cells to pick up on it. :3c
> 
> Oh, quick note before I go: even though I’m using she/her in the story text for now, Cosmos’s new roommate is a transgender man and just hasn’t figured it out for himself yet at this point. This isn’t a spoiler because nearly all the art I’ve done of him is how he looks over a decade after this with his most current name, but I wanna write this part of his development organically and I gotta call him something in the meantime. So as a reminder for the future, if you refer to him in the comments, please respect his post-realization pronouns and name change even if that realization hasn’t happened in-story yet. If you already know his chosen name from my art posts then please use that name, and if not you can refer to him by his surname Shelley as I’d rather his old name be kept to story text, and only up until the point where it stops being used.
> 
> (EDIT: changed the use of the word "deadname" to "old name" because I don't feel that Mr. Shelley would have enough bad feelings with his old name to warrant calling it that, it ends up getting repurposed for another character later in the future anyway)


	2. Moving Day

It had been roughly a week since the meeting at Liz’s apartment. Sure enough, as soon as Cosmos had returned to the dorm afterward they saw an email that told them she had no plans to see anyone else for the room. They’d been back once more to fill out some shared lease forms and the rent agreement (this apartment was a bit more expensive than dorm fees even with it being two people paying, but they certainly weren’t going to let that information slip to a certain friend lest he offer to pay for this too), and now it was time to start getting ready for the move proper. They’d already gotten their things packed up, and now they were just waiting for their friends to arrive to help get everything moved over.

Since they didn’t have anything better to do while waiting and had moved all their boxes into the common area, they decided to help Redd and Chad with getting the latter’s things into the freed space. Just as they had imagined, Chad was basically another friendly dudebro in a sea of friendly dudebros, so they knew he’d get along great with most of the rest of the floor. After a while of helping out, however, they heard a familiar sound that they hadn’t realized how much they’d missed in the past few months.

No one who lived on this floor regularly wore heels. Yet they could hear a set of them clicking against the floor, approaching from the direction of the elevator and stairwell, and from the sound of it there was quite a bit of mass held up by those heels.

They were glad they were carrying a smaller box this time, because they could immediately set it down and run over to their friends. “Hel-lo, flower frie— _oh!_ ” Boris could barely get out the words before Cosmos collided with his midsection, their arms wrapped around him in the best hug they could get with how far they could reach. “It’s goode to see you too!” he chuckled, returning the hug and playfully ruffling their hair. “I’d love-to catch upp, but I’ll waite un-til you have you’re hands free.”

Cosmos nodded, then turned their attention to Kamal who was right behind Boris. They broke their current hug and approached Kamal to give him one as well, thankfully taking a gentler approach as they figured him being closer to their overall size might lead to them knocking the both of them to the floor if they’d done that. “Good to see ya, kiddo,” Kamal said. “Man, everyone back home’s been missin’ you a lot. Putunia’s been going nuts ever since she heard your fall break was coming up soon.”

“ _Can’t wait to come back and see everyone!_ ” Cosmos was beaming. Just getting to see two familiar faces was wonderful enough on its own, if only to tide them over until break.

With the pleasantries out of the way, the three of them began to start moving Cosmos's boxes out to the cars. Their dorm room hadn't been the biggest so they had already seriously downsized on the stuff they'd brought anyway, so everything fit comfortably in the back seats of both cars without the need to return after dropping it off at the new apartment. "Soooo how-come you asked ‘us’ two help yuo with this?" Boris asked. “Just ask-ing out of curiositty.”

“Not that we don’t appreciate getting to see you again sooner than expected, of course,” Kamal said.

Cosmos shut the back door of their car after getting the last box settled in. “ _You have the biggest car out of everyone I know who drives,_ ” they told them. “ _I don’t know if I’m allowed to rent a trailer on my own. Plus Mom’s beat from a lot of unexpected anniversary orders._ ”

“That’s faire,” Boris said. “Well then, you wan-to get going? We can follow be-hind your ‘car’.”

With a nod and thumbs-up, Cosmos got into their car and pulled out of the dorms’ parking lot, with Boris and Kamal following close enough to match their turns without riding their bumper. Amaryllis Court was a fair bit away from the student dorms, so they were glad that they wouldn’t be having to make multiple trips to move their things. Both parties soon arrived at the apartments without issue, taking the two closest empty spots to 1224 that they could get. As the three were getting out of their respective cars, Cosmos motioned for Boris and Kamal to wait for a bit while they went up to let Liz know they had arrived. They took the stairs as quickly as they could without worrying Kamal, who they knew would flip from watching, and they made a few quick knocks on the door once they reached it.

The door unlatched and Liz made herself visible. “Oh, h-hey!” she exclaimed upon seeing Cosmos. She opened the door the rest of the way and exited. “ _So today’s the day?_ ” she asked. “ _Didn’t I give you a key when we were doing the paperwork? Or did I forget?_ ”

“ _I have the key, yes,_ ” Cosmos assured her. “ _I just didn’t want to risk scaring you by walking in out of nowhere._ ”

Liz smiled. “ _You’re very considerate. Do you need me to help you with moving your things in?_ ”

Cosmos shook their head. “ _Not unless you really want to, though making sure the door’s propped open would help a lot._ ” Liz nodded, opening the door back up and cramming a nearby door-stopper underneath it. With that taken care of, Cosmos went back downstairs and letting their friends know they could all start getting things moving.

And almost immediately things started to get a little problematic as the two older men tried to negotiate the best method of taking an awkwardly-shaped box up the stairs. Or more accurately, Kamal couldn’t figure out how to do it in a manner that didn’t set off his stair anxieties one way or another, and Boris wasn’t very much help as he was “goode with what-ebver". “All right, all right, we’ve gotta do this carefully and have a dang plan,” Kamal insisted. “I don’t know if I want you walking backwards up there _in heels_ , and _I’m_ certainly not walking up stairs backwards!”

“I’ll be fine, lily, real-ly!” Boris said. “I’m not that ‘clumsy’, I have descent coordination, I promise!”

“Boris Habit, I have _personally_ witnessed you glue your hands to a wall while hanging up posters and then not long after get one of them stuck in an old mayo jar. I love you, but please think about this for a second.”

Cosmos rolled their eyes and, instead of trying to get past them and ascend the stairs themself, opted to pass under the walkway for the second floor apartments and ascent the stairs on the opposite side. They quickly put the smaller box they were carrying inside, then exited the apartment and stood at the top of the stairs. They waved to get Kamal's attention, who then directed Boris’s attention to them as well. “ _I’ll watch out for whoever’s coming up backwards!_ ”

Kamal sighed in relief. “All right, thanks for that,” he said. Boris raised an eyebrow at this, confused as he hadn’t seen what they said, and Kamal laughed a bit nervously and said, “Cosmos’s gonna watch your back going up.”

“Oh!” Boris glanced back up at Cosmos, opting for the likely more painful option of leaning his head back rather than just turning around. “Thamk-you, Cosmos!” Cosmos grinned and gave him a thumbs-up, then they kept vigil at the top of the stairs as the two men carefully ascended. Thankfully they reached the top safely, carefully setting the large box in the apartment once they were on level ground. Boris stretched his back and arms after they’d set that down, then he noticed Liz sitting on the couch with a magazine in hand. “Hel-lo there!” he said, giving her a friendly wave as she looked up. “You must be the new room-mate! My name is Boris, it’s nice two ‘meet’ you!”

“H-hello,” Liz said with a wave of her own. “I, uh, I’m Li, Liz. Nnnice to m-meet you too.”

“Liz?” Boris asked for clarification, and she nodded. “Thatse a loveley name. I hope you and Cos-mos get allong well!”

Cosmos made their way into the kitchen to grab drinks for everyone while Kamal had gone back down to get another of the smaller boxes, and as they were doing so they noticed Liz waving them over. They approached her, handing Boris a water bottle on the way over and putting one on the coffee table before realizing Liz had already gotten something for herself. “ _Are these guys your dads or what?_ ” she asked them.

Before Cosmos could put their drink down to respond, Boris let out a bit of a chuckle that made Liz jump slightly. “No, we’re not they’re dads,” he said with a grin. “Kamal and I, we’re more like un-official uncles than amny-thing.”

Liz's eyes widened. “Y-you knnnow sign?” she asked. She then laughed a little. “ _Of course you do, you know C!_ ”

“Oh, I learn-ed ‘sign’ looong befour we met,” Boris said. “I need it fore my-self sometimes.” His smile changed to a small frown of concern. “Ime...not make-ing you nervous, am I? I ‘know’ I can be some-what intimadating...”

Liz shook her head. “ _Bad stutter, can’t control it. Nothing to do with you, please don’t worry._ ”

Kamal re-entered the apartment in the middle of their conversation, setting the box on the counter and taking notice of Liz's signing. “Huh, no wonder Cosmos gravitated toward you,” he said with a chuckle. “If it’s not too invasive, is it that you _can’t_ talk or just aren’t comfortable with it?”

“ _Not comfortable. It’s too difficult._ ”

“Perfectly understandable,” Kamal said. “Sorry I asked, that’s probably something you’d rather share with a friend than some weird old men, hehe.”

“ _You’re not old yet._ ” Cosmos grinned. “ _Only thirty-four. Less than twice my age._ ”

“If anie-one’s old here, it's ‘me’!” Boris exclaimed. “Thirtie-nine!”

Liz couldn’t help but laugh a little, and Cosmos certainly couldn’t blame her. These guys were pretty goofy, after all, Boris especially. They could only hope that this laughter was genuine happiness rather than a laugh brought on by nerves.

It wasn’t too long before all of Cosmos’s things were in the apartment and Boris and Kamal were heading out, though not before one last hug from Cosmos for them both. After they were gone, the first thing that Cosmos did was return to the apartment and let themself fall backwards onto their as-of-yet unmade bed. Even if they’d brought relatively little to the apartment, mostly due to overpacking prior to when they had first moved into student dorms and having to send a lot of unnecessary things home, it was still exhausting to get it all down from that dorm and up to this apartment. And wow, they had _so_ much more room to do things now. And their own private space again! They missed having their own room...

A couple short knocks on the frame of their open door drew their attention back to reality. Liz was there, waving with a smile. Cosmos waved her in and she entered. “ _Your uncles are really nice,_ ” she said.

Cosmos nodded. “ _Yeah, they’re pretty cool._ ”

“ _I was thinking of ordering food for us in a bit to kind of celebrate you getting moved in, is that okay with you or would that be weird?_ ”

“ _Food does sound good._ ” Cosmos thought for a bit then asked, “ _What did you have in mind?_ ”

“ _Pizza or Chinese, not really sure._ ” Liz shrugged. “ _I know you said you had allergies, does that also include any foods?_ ”

“ _Not that I know of. Most I can think of is maybe raw honey because of pollen, I guess._ ”

Liz nodded, and looked around at the more decorative things that Cosmos had taken out of their boxes. “ _You like space?_ ”

“ _Astronomy major._ ” Cosmos grinned. “ _Used to do a lot of stargazing a few years back. Stopped doing it as much as I did because I got busy and other circumstances, but I’ve always been fascinated by the stuff out there._ ”

“ _Meanwhile I just thought cool buildings were neat._ ” Liz laughed a little, then noticed the picture frame that had been placed on the night stand. She pointed to it, and Cosmos held out a hand to invite her to examine it. It was a picture from three years ago, with them, their sister Holly, their mother, and their father. The last picture they had of him. Liz put it down shortly after and asked, “ _This your family?_ ”

Cosmos nodded. “ _That’s my mom._ " They pointed to Rosalyn, and then to Holly. “ _My older sister. You can guess this kid here’s me._ ” And then they pointed to Neil. “ _And that’s my dad._ ”

“ _Would it bother you if I asked why they didn't help with the move?_ ” Liz asked. “ _And they sent your uncles instead? Do they just live closer or something?_ ”

“ _They all live in my same home town, actually. B-lily just has the biggest car of everyone._ ” Cosmos took the picture and held it for a bit themself. They missed all those smiles, one much more so than the others. “ _Mom’s a florist running a flower shop alone, so she’s super busy. Sis is real busy too, she’s a reporter-in-training for local news. And Dad..._ ” Their face fell as they had to acknowledge it again. Three years may have been enough for them to properly grieve, but that sadness will hit you hard when you least expect it. “ _Dad’s...not around anymore. Bad accident._ ”

“O-oh...” Liz frowned. “ _I’m so sorry. I hope I didn’t hurt anything fresh..._ ”

Cosmos shook their head. “ _It’s been three years. It's not too bad to think about him anymore, but I still miss him a lot._ ”

“ _That’s understandable..._ ” The mood in the room suddenly felt a little awkward. “ _Do you need me to give you some space?_ ”

“ _I’m good. I mostly just remember the good times with him rather than get all sad like I used to._ ”

Liz gave them an understanding smile, leaving the room anyway to give them some space for practical reasons. Kind of hard to unpack in that space with two people in there, even if the room was bigger than what they’d been used to for the past few months. It didn’t take them too long, thankfully, and they even had time to fix up their bedsheets afterward (grateful that this bed was the same size as the one from the student dorms so they didn't have to get new ones).

Cosmos had managed to finish getting everything settled just as Liz was preparing to call in a food order. Apparently she’d decided Chinese was more appetizing as she was browsing that menu with more concentration than the pizza one she also had laid out, and honestly Cosmos agreed with her, especially since the menu seemed to have the logo of their favorite place. They’d grabbed a small stack of sticky notes and wrote down their usual order, sticking it to the table beside her and giving her a thumbs-up. “ _You’re good with ordering over the phone, I take it?_ ” they asked.

Liz nodded. “ _Don’t really have a choice, after all. I just have to cross my fingers and hope they don’t screw things up due to mishearing me. Every time. Usually have pretty good luck with that, at least._ ”

“ _Maybe someday there’ll be text ordering for people like us._ ” Cosmos shrugged.

“ _Probably._ ”

\-----

Dinner was great and everything had arrived just as it had been ordered, which led Cosmos to believe that either Liz's stutter wasn't as bad as she felt it was or that the restaurant workers were used to it by this point. They decided to cap off the evening by watching a movie, mutually deciding on the relatively easy Groundhog Day. Cosmos had seen this once before, and just like the last time they had seen it, the concept of Bill Murray’s character having to repeat the same day over and over again really got the analytical part of their brain working. Could a time loop really happen somehow? What would they do if they were stuck in a time loop? How would they try to return to a regular time flow, and would they age physically during that looping period? They should probably ask one of the physics majors about that sometime, as best they could at any rate.

“ _So you wanna chat for a bit before bed, maybe?_ ” Liz asked. “ _Maybe get to know one another better? We’re probably gonna be living together for a while, no reason to be just acquaintances._ ”

“ _Sounds good._ ” Cosmos smiled. “ _Where do you wanna start?_ ”

Liz thought for a bit. “ _What’s your family like? I know I kinda met your uncles and you said your dad wasn’t around anymore, but what about your mom and sis?_ ”

“ _Mom’s real nice, but I gotta be honest she’s not the brightest bulb in the box. Not necessarily stupid like I used to say for a while, just easily taken in by bad ideas. Stubborn as hell too, but thankfully that can be directed toward better things once she’s got better information._ ” Cosmos paused to take a drink. “ _Holly is stubborn too and stood up for me a lot when we were kids, she’s always looking for answers to everything that she's curious about and won’t take ‘just because’ as an answer ever. And beyond them I’ve got a HUUUGE bunch of found family that would take to long to do everyone justice._ ” They thought for a bit, trying to see if there was anyone else they should mention. “ _And there’s also Uncle Steve. He’s cool, but he’s not around much. Big traveler, works for an agency or something so he’s almost always either out of the state or out of the country. Sends a lot of cool crap back though._ ”

“ _They sound pretty cool._ ”

“ _What about your family?_ ” Cosmos asked. “ _Or close friends too, close friends count as family in my book._ ”

“ _My mom’s a forensic medical examiner. Deals with dead bodies all the time, and usually not the ones that go quietly. Pretty well-adjusted even with seeing the end results of the actions of society's worst. And Dad works at the grocery store, though he works with computers in his spare time. They’re both real nice, Mom’s kinda serious while Dad’s a goofball, but they’ve both always stuck up for me through everything._ ” Liz sighed. “ _Especially when the accident happened and the aftermath._ ”

“ _Accident? You mean what caused your stutter?_ ”

Liz nodded. “ _Fell from a tree as a kid, hit my head. What happened with you? I take it whatever it was, it happened pretty early on given how well you sign._ ”

“ _Pretty early is right._ ” Cosmos couldn’t help but let out a wheezy laugh. “ _I was born with some kind of vocal paralysis or something, never can remember all the details of it. Regardless, I’ve basically been silent from day one. Never been able to make enough sound to learn how to talk, so my family helped me learn sign instead as soon as I was old enough for language._ ”

“ _Would it be weird to ask what sounds you can make?_ ”

Cosmos grinned. “ _Wanna hear me scream?_ ” Liz looked concerned, but nodded nonetheless. Cosmos took in a deep breath and then let out their best attempt at a scream that they could muster. It was more of a prolonged, barely audible wheeze much like their laughter, ending in a soft squeak as they drew back another breath and began coughing profusely before taking another drink to soothe their throat.

“ _Are you okay?_ ” Liz asked, her eyes wide with worry.

Still coughing a little and one hand still holding their drink, Cosmos gave her a thumbs-up before setting the drink down. “ _Fine. I don’t do that much for obvious reasons._ ” They smiled. “ _Probably could’ve just told you this, I can make little sounds but they’re too quiet and take too much effort to be worth it. Not to mention it feels uncomfortable, strains my throat real bad._ ”

“ _You didn’t have to make yourself uncomfortable just to prove that to me, you know._ ”

Cosmos shrugged. “ _I wanted to. Hadn’t done that in a while so figured why not._ ”

Liz nodded in understanding, not taking her eyes off their face for some reason. “ _Can I ask something else without it being weird?_ ” Cosmos nodded. “ _I don’t wanna pry if you’re self-conscious about this but...what happened to your tooth? You don’t have to answer if it bothers you, I’m sorry..._ ”

Cosmos grimaced, not because their missing tooth was a source of personal discomfort, but because of what telling the full truth would mean. After all, Liz had had a good impression of Boris, and to let her know just what he’d done to them nearly two and a half years ago would likely shatter that good impression, even if his final act in that dangerous mindset _had_ been largely beneficial to them. After all, he’d been planning to do that whether or not they had the vast excess of teeth to spare... “ _Overzealous dentist,”_ they finally settled on. It may not have been the whole truth exactly, but it would be good enough. It seemed to satisfy Liz, at least.

They continued their conversation for an hour at least, only stopping when Liz chanced a glance at the clock to see what time it was. “ _It’s getting kind of late,_ ” she pointed out. “ _I was going to get groceries tomorrow morning, would you like to come with me? Could pick up some stuff you like that I don’t already have._ ”

“ _Sounds good. You have a car or you wanna go in mine?_ ”

“ _I’ve got a car, yeah. I think I still have one of those tree things in there though, so maybe we should go in yours until I can get around to removing that and letting it air out._ ”

Cosmos gave her another thumbs-up. They appreciated how seriously Liz was taking their allergies, to the point of banning them from spaces where she wasn’t sure if it was safe for them to enter yet. With their plans for the morning decided, the two of them decided to head to bed. Cosmos collapsed into their bed as soon as they had taken care of their evening routine, grateful that they’d had the foresight to fix their bedsheets earlier so they could do so without worrying about that. Sleep came very easy that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so begins a new, more easy-going living situation :D I would say something along the lines of “hope these two get along well”, but honestly? Y’all should know by now that I wouldn’t be writing this just to throw them into needless conflict with one another, that just ain’t my style. Not to say that this is all gonna be sunshine and rainbows all the time, of course. Shelley’s got some deep-seated issues of his own that he’ll have to deal with sooner or later... :c
> 
> Also to clarify about my wish to not have Shelley’s old name/pronouns used outside of story text: I crosspost these on DeviantArt where I’ve posted a decent chunk of art of him in his future appearance and a little bit as he appears in this story and I’d already stated he was Cosmos’s eventual lover, so I wanted to head off potential questions of “wait who is this, I thought Cosmos was with someone else” by specifying that this was that same guy and inviting people who know his current name to use it in comments. I wasn’t aware that it might look like I would be using this as a mere excuse to disrespect him by referring to him by his old name, but I can guarantee that was not the intention. I just wanted to make sure he was respected by the audience even before he discovered more about himself. I know that it’ll be a relief to finally get to use his real name in story text once I get to that point :3 Might even try to drop his old name sooner than originally intended, perhaps a temporary usage of his middle name from when he first realizes he’s trans until he figures out a better first name.


	3. Shopping and Trauma

The grocery trip was pretty interesting, to say the least. The ride there was lacking in conversation, as conversing in sign between driver and passenger was hard for car rides anyway and Cosmos didn’t want to force Liz to speak for both the sake of her comfort and the practicality of not being able to respond with their hands on the wheel, but it was a nice ride nonetheless. Liz did occasionally give vocal directions to the store she had wanted to go to, keeping things short and brief to help make sure she could be as clear as possible. Funnily enough, it turned out to be the same store that Cosmos had often stopped by to get snacks for the stash they kept in their dorm room, the only difference being that they now had to approach it from a different angle.

The two of them had a nice time going down the aisles and grabbing everything they had in mind. As they made their way through, Cosmos noticed that Liz kept throwing sweets into the cart that weren’t on her list for some reason. “ _Got a real sweet tooth, huh?_ ” they asked with a sly grin.

“Y-yeah,” Liz laughed nervously, her hands full with a small box of toaster pastries in each hand. She placed them both into the cart, making sure they weren't on top of anything soft and easily squashed. “ _My parents like joke about how I got my sweet tooth from my dad. We’d put a cake in the fridge and it’d be gone the next day between the two of us._ ”

“ _Shame you don’t leave anything for your mom, then._ ”

Liz shook her head. “ _Mom doesn’t like sweet stuff very much, so it works out.”_

Cosmos nodded. They scanned the aisle they were in and decided to get a box of pastries for themself in a different flavor. They were a fan of sweet things too, after all, they had just mainly wanted to focus on essentials for the time being.

As the two made their way through the store, Cosmos could catch glimpses of people staring at them out of the corner of their eye. Some of them looked confused, and at least one person shook their head in what seemed to be a pitying manner. They ended up having to listen to a pair of old women gossiping while they were looking over the meats. “Oh, those poor girls must have the most _difficult_ time on shopping trips,” one of the women said. “Don’t you think they should have an employee helping them?”

“They’re _deaf_ , Agnes, not blind,” the haughtier of the women scoffed. “It’s not like they can’t read labels and signs.”

Deaf, huh? Cosmos rolled their eyes, then scribbled down a note in the small notepad they brought and handed it to Liz. “ _those old ladies – act like you cant hear them_ ” Liz nodded lightly, hoping the women didn’t notice.

“Still, what if they need help finding something and they can’t find an employee who can talk to them properly?” the kinder woman, presumably Agnes, asked her friend. “Don’t be rude about it, Gladys, you’ve become bitter in your old age.”

“Honestly, they need to learn to communicate just like everyone else,” the haughty one called Gladys grumbled. “All this nonsense with them waving their hands around like fools, you can’t have a real conversation that way.”

“Gladys, that’s uncalled for!”

Cosmos was good at hiding it, but their anger was starting to reach a boiling point. Even without the rude comments about their only way of speaking, they knew at least one person with a hearing impairment and they were not going to take this sort of rudeness lightly. Time to give up the act, as well as give this old bat a piece of their mind. They hastily scribbled down a note in the notepad and tore the page out, handing the pad to Liz as they made their way over to the old women. They appeared surprised and a bit confused at their approach, especially when they directly handed the note to Gladys. Once she’d actually taken the note and balked upon reading it, they turned away with a smirk and a cheeky wave.

“ _So what’d you write to her?_ ” Liz asked once Cosmos had returned.

“ _Told her that we’re not deaf like they thought, we heard everything and that rude lady’s comments were garbage. In less polite terms, of course._ ”

“ _Nice._ ”

They continued perusing the store’s aisles, the sounds of Agnes playfully scolding Gladys and her stubborn, flustered insistence that she had done no wrong even with her mistaken assumptions fading away as they moved along out of earshot. Soon enough they’d been able to get everything on both of their lists, and shortly after they were checked out and on their way. They even stopped by a drive-thru on the way back, and Liz got to learn about Cosmos’s method of announcing that the person pulling up wouldn’t be able to actually speak. Namely, a short honk of their car horn once the person with the headset said they were ready to take their order. It did make her jump a little, but once she got over her initial startling and heard the confused chuckling coming from the speaker she made a mental note to try that next time she was in a drive-thru herself.

\-----

The next few weeks of apartment life were much less stressful for Cosmos than the time they’d spent at the dorm. And it wasn’t just because the new apartment was quieter than the dorm for multiple reasons, either. Liz’s personality meshed really well together with their own, and it wasn’t too long before they started considering her as a friend as well as a roommate. Even as they were hanging out with their family and friends from the Habitat, they made sure to keep in email contact with her while they were back home.

“So what’s this roommate like, anyway?” Nat asked one evening when they were visiting her and Trevor at their house.

“ _She’s really nice, kinda shy but once she’s comfortable with you she can carry a conversation for hours,_ ” Cosmos told her, which she repeated to Trevor as he was too engrossed in the game he was playing to look. They didn’t blame him in the slightest though, he’d been dying to show the game to them since he and Nat had gotten it and it looked pretty cool as it was, but boy were they glad that their closest Habitat friends had made great strides in learning to understand sign. “ _Best part is she already greatly preferred signing herself before we met, so unless we’re not looking at each other for some reason or one of us has our hands full there’s no problems with talking between us_.”

“If you ask me, she sounds a bit _too_ perfect for a roommate of yours,” Trevor said. He paused the game, that cute purple jester he was playing as hanging in midair, and turned around to face Cosmos so that Nat didn’t have to act as the go-between. “Think about it,” he continued, his conspiratorial mindset already making itself present in his face and tone. “You needed a new roommate and all of a sudden you find someone who’s coincidentally looking for a roommate too? Someone who _conveniently_ supplies an email instead of a number for contact? _And_ she already signs? Two coincidences I can get, but three is a pattern. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s a secret vampire trying to lure you in to—”

“Trevor, _please_ ,” Nat groaned. "Our _dad’s_ a vampire, remember? Or do you just forget every time you’re not specifically reminded of that?”

“He’s a _good_ vampire though!” Trevor insisted. “I’ve come to the conclusion that vampires can be just as good or bad as people, and I’m on the lookout for the bad ones. I’m just worried that Cosmos might be in danger...”

Cosmos sighed and shook their head. They understood this side of Trevor very well—they’d been the one to out Trencil to Trevor and technically everyone else in the Habitat in the first place, after all, and they regretted the methods they’d used to reveal that secret even if not what came about as a result—so they weren’t too terribly upset by his theorizing. But still... “ _I can guarantee you that L-cake is not a vampire,_ ” Cosmos told him. “ _She loves being in the sunshine, she can’t do complex math without a calculator, and I’ve personally witnessed her eat three pieces of garlic bread when we had pasta night._ ”

“ _God_ , I miss garlic bread,” Trevor sighed. He shook the thoughts of that beautiful, beautiful bread from his mind, trying to get back to the main topic. “But have you seen her in a photo or mirror?” he asked. “A recent photo, anyway?”

“ _My bathroom’s right by the front door and I see her in the mirror every time I’m getting ready for the day while she’s leaving for an early class. When I don’t bother to close that door, at least._ ”

Trevor nodded, satisfied with that answer. “Just be careful, okay?” he asked. “Even if Liz _isn’t_ a vampire, there’s no guarantee that she isn’t up to _some_ thing...”

“You sure you’re not just worried because of...y’know...?” Nat didn’t know if she should press the issue. “Remember your therapist visit right after Cosmos first left?” she asked. “The thing you guys talked about then?”

Cosmos frowned. “ _You’re worried I’ll get so attached to L-cake that I forget about you, aren’t you..._ ”

“.......a little,” Trevor admitted. “I mean, it already sounds like you’re super close as is. You’ve even got a sign name for her picked out!”

“ _Would it make you feel better if I told you I’d already mentally been using T-wolf for you since the day we met?_ ” Cosmos smiled. “ _Even if I'm spending more time with someone else, you’re still one of my closest friends. I couldn’t forget about you even if I wanted to, and I really don’t want to._ ”

Trevor smiled. “That means a lot, Cos,” he said. “Um, you wanna try the game now? I think you’d like it.” Cosmos nodded, smiling as they took a seat on the couch and were handed the Saturn’s obnoxious dinner plate controller. “Yeah, I know, the thing’s enormous but apparently you can’t play NiGHTS properly with the arrow buttons alone,” Trevor chuckled. “So you probably guessed the stick is movement, the whole A-row of buttons makes them fly faster, L and R make them flip around and stuff for fun.”

The rest of the evening was mildly controlled chaos, the three of them goofing around with the game, laughing at each others’ and their own silly mistakes and getting frustrated with trying to figure out how to defeat the tricky puzzle-like bosses. Cosmos had sorely missed this sort of thing. It may have been a bit too late for all the Habitat kids to gather given the younger ones likely still had an earlier bedtime than them, but they were still happy to have a silly gaming night with friends nonetheless.

\-----

Fall break couldn’t last forever, of course, and soon enough Cosmos was back at college and apartment life. They were still getting along really great with Liz, the closest thing to turmoil between them at this point being a somewhat heated disagreement over who was responsible for the minor ant invasion in the kitchen (which ended in them deciding neither was completely at fault and putting in ant traps until they could get in contact with the apartment manager) and the fact that Cosmos’s room seemed to get colder faster than Liz’s, but that could at least be solved with more blankets on their part. Far more often than that, they were learning more about each other. For instance, Cosmos learned that Liz also enjoyed video games when they revealed they had brought over the new Nintendo 64 they had gotten for their birthday over break. They’d also learned that Liz enjoyed making sweet treats just much as she enjoyed eating them, as the first day they had both returned to the apartment they were greeted with a birthday cake. All in all, things were good.

It was a pretty quiet afternoon, and as Cosmos had no classes scheduled that day they decided to take it easy, tackle some of their less difficult homework while finishing the last piece of their cake. They were sitting at the dining room table while they did so, giving them the “best” vantage point to see Liz burst through the front door and immediately sham it shut, leaning against it as though she were trying to make sure it stayed that way. “ _Are you okay?_ ” they asked. She didn’t respond, and as Cosmos got up to approach her they could see that it was because she hadn’t seen their question. Her gaze was out of focus. She was breathing more heavily than normal, which was odd as she didn’t tend to get winded from the stairs, and she looked like she’d grown a bit pale as well.

It didn’t take long for Liz to notice them and the concern in their expression. “H-how lo, how lllon-long wa-was I sta-tan...stan...have I been, been here...?” she asked.

“ _Not very long, at most half a minute._ ” Cosmos immediately became more worried than they already were. Whatever was going on here was very serious, if Liz wasn’t even _thinking_ about signing. Even with her bag in her hand, she’d usually try to either put it down or move it up on her shoulder rather than speak vocally. “ _Can I ask what's going on? If it's not too distressing, at least._ ”

Liz took in a deep breath, seemingly trying to ground herself better. It wasn’t working as well as she’d like, however, as her expression was still clearly panicked. She adjusting her bag to her shoulder to free the hand on that arm and, as steadily as she could manage, signed a single word. “ _Grandfather._ ”

“ _Do you want to talk about it?_ ” Liz fervently shook her head, and Cosmos responded with an understanding nod. They could understand. There were probably things they wouldn’t want to talk about with her either, though probably more because it might distress her than them.

“ _Wanna be alone,_ ” Liz said. Cosmos could guess what that meant, so they moved out of the way to allow her free passage to her room. Once she was in, she shut the door and, unexpectedly, began to scream. It was a scream that she'd clearly been holding in for a long while, followed up by sobbing and crying, and it broke Cosmos’s heart to hear it. They wanted so _badly_ to help, of course, that was kind of their nature to help whenever someone was in need of it. Especially when that someone was a person they loved. Loved? Was that the right term for their feelings towards Liz at this point? Well, they _did_ feel that love could mean any number of positive feelings towards someone, so even if it was strictly platonic friendship then they supposed that they did in fact love her. In any case, they could tell this was probably something that they shouldn’t try to butt in on, at least not yet. She did say she wanted to be alone, after all. They would give her some time.

Thirty minutes had passed, and even though the screaming and sobbing had long subsided, Cosmos was still concerned for Liz’s well-being. Trying to approach this as gently as possible, they made their way over to her door and knocked twice. They waited for a response, and while it took a bit longer than they were entirely comfortable with, they got one in the form of a single knock back. Given that confirmation, they opened the door, taking care to make their entrance calm and easy.

Liz was sprawled out on her bed, her face mushed into her pillow. As Cosmos approached, she pushed herself up and turned around to face them, and immediately they became more concerned. She had apparently taken several strips of the black drafting tape that was part of her supplies for class and placed them over her mouth. Seeing their concern, she sort of shrunk down on herself, rubbing her still-red eyes. “ _I’m sorry you had to see me like this._ ”

“ _You don’t have to apologize for being upset,_ ” Cosmos told her. They decided not to address the tape. If Liz wanted to explain it, that was her decision to make. “ _Are you feeling a little better, at least?_ ”

“ _Not really. But I think I can talk about what happened._ ” She motioned for Cosmos to take a seat, which they did. After taking a few deeper breaths to try and calm herself, Liz began. “ _I went to the store to pick up some new pencils, and while I was there I saw a guy who looked way too much like my grandfather for my comfort._ ” She cringed a little from the very thought. “ _My grandfather was not a good man. He was always kind of distant, not the kind and loving grandfather you'd expect. But everything just got so much worse after my accident..._ ”

“ _He didn’t cause your accident, did he?_ ”

Liz shook her head. “ _He would’ve never been allowed to get so far as to actually hurting me physically._ ” She turned to reach under her pillow, pulling out a sketchbook from underneath. “ _I can tell this better with some drawings alongside than I can tell it with words alone. My figure drawing’s not that great anymore after drawing buildings more often, but it should still be readable._ ”

Cosmos nodded, and they waited patiently as Liz began to draw out what she wanted to tell them. She was working fairly quickly, either out of a wish to get those feelings out as quickly as possible so that she wouldn’t have to dwell on them or to not take up too much of Cosmos’s time. Soon enough, she had finished, flipping the sketchbook back to the first page with her story and handing it to them.

As Cosmos read through, they could feel a familiar sinking pit grow in their stomach. The first innocent-looking page of a happy little girl hanging from a large tree branch was all too reminiscent of an image they had seen two years ago of a happy little boy holding a flower pot. The next page featured the little girl on the ground, having hit her head hard judging by the intensity of the action lines, and several scared children and a panicked adult around her. The next page, the girl was in a hospital with bandages around her head, a woman in a suit and a man wearing glasses sitting beside her. A speech bubble was coming from the girl’s mouth this time, the letters that made up the words “mommy” and “daddy” jumbled around inside it, and the adults in the image looked worried. “ _The doctors said I was lucky that the only thing that happened to me was developing a stutter,_ ” Liz added. “ _I don’t really remember much other than what people’ve told me. As far as my memory goes, I went from climbing a tree and speaking normally for a little kid to stuttering in a hospital bed._ ”

The next page had the girl in a place labeled “speech therapy”. She looked very unhappy, and the adult in the scene appeared to be frustrated with her. On the next page, she was standing with the adults from the hospital scene, presumably meant to be Liz’s parents. The woman had a speech bubble with the words “speech therapy” crossed out, and the man had one with drawings of hands finger-spelling “sign”. The girl was smiling, clearly happy with this alternative.

And then they turned the page and saw an incredibly familiar scene. It was a man shadowed in a doorway. Only this one didn’t have an ominous wide smile, quite the opposite. This man had an indifferent scowl. “ _I’m only showing his mustache,_ ” Liz said. She paused to peel one of the strips of tape from her face, though there were still around four or five left so it didn’t change much. “ _It’s the only accurate physical feature I can remember of him that doesn’t make me lose it._ ”

The next page featured Grandfather Shelley standing over the younger image of Liz, glaring down at her. “Speak for me!!!” the speech bubble attached to the old man said in large letters. There were movement lines around young Liz's head, indicating her shaking it back and forth. Everything just got worse on the next page, where the old man had young Liz in his hands as she appeared to be screaming. The old man appeared to be yelling in a rage, and in big letters above him was the statement “I might as well rip out your larynx myself!!”

“ _I hate hearing that word,_ ” Liz said. “ _I hate it so much. I hate him._ ”

The last page featured the glasses-wearing father comforting young Liz as the professional mother attacked her grandfather. Cosmos frowned as they handed the sketchbook back to her. “ _I’m so sorry you had to go through that._ ”

“ _I’m just glad that my parents stood up for me, and that he can’t hurt me anymore,_ ” Liz said. A tear began to form in her eye and she let out a short muffled whine. “ _That kind of hurt sticks with you though. I can’t hear that word or see someone who looks even remotely like him without all that coming back up._ ”

“ _I can imagine it gets really bad, huh..._ ” Liz nodded. “ _Would a hug help a little?_ ” Another nod, and Cosmos approached her to give her a short hug. They didn’t want to overdo it in case it made her feel more uncomfortable.

The two of them sat together for a bit, not saying anything, Liz peeling a couple more pieces of tape away from her mouth. After a while, Liz asked, “ _Is it weird or bad that I sometimes wish my fall had made me go mute instead of stuttery?_ ”

Cosmos shook their head. “ _It’s not, I don't think. But if it makes you feel better, I’m glad you didn’t. I like hearing you when you feel comfortable vocalizing._ ”

Liz smiled as best she could even despite the tape, but nonetheless it reached her eyes. “ _I do really wish that though,_ ” she repeated. “ _Or that I wasn’t expected to speak vocally just because I technically can._ ”

“ _Tell people you’re taking a vow of silence?_ ”

“ _Wouldn’t work._ ” Liz shook her head. “ _I’m basically an atheist, anyone who knows me would call bs immediately._ ” She sighed through her nose. “ _I wonder if I could get some kind of surgery to make myself mute, but even if I could, would I be able to go through with it...?_ ”

“ _If you did, I’d miss your laugh._ ” Cosmos smiled, and they could see that got another smile out of Liz as well. “ _In a more practical line of thinking, do you want a hole in your throat? Because that’s the only way I know that you can have your voice completely removed medically, and I don't know of any medically credible doctor who would actually do that for reasons that aren’t ‘this needs to be done to save this person’s life’._ ”

Liz instinctively put her hand to her throat and shook her head. “ _That doesn’t sound ideal, no._ ”

“ _Doesn’t sound pleasant to get used to, either,_ ” Cosmos added. “ _I knew this kid in grade school who had one since they were like five or so, and it caused a lot of little problems for them. They can’t taste or smell very well, they can’t take in deep breaths because that’s what the hole’s for, and I could be remembering this wrong but I don’t even think they can go swimming because water might get in the hole and drown them._ ” They sighed wistfully. “ _I wonder how that person’s doing. Probably in college themself by now..._ ”

“ _Hope they’re doing okay._ ” A brief pause, then Liz said, “ _Thanks for helping me through all this. I think I’m feeling better now._ ”

“ _That’s good._ ” Cosmos smiled, standing up a bit. “ _I was thinking of going out to get some ice cream, since I finished off the cake and all. You wanna come with me?_ ”

“ _Yeah, I think I’m good to do that._ ”

Cosmos slyly tapped their mouth with their finger. “ _Can’t eat ice cream if you can’t open your mouth, though._ ”

Liz let out a muffled laugh, then carefully peeled the last bits of tape away, adding them to the little mound of the rest. “ _I really need to stop doing that when I have the serious vocal anxiety episodes,_ ” she said. “ _Gonna waste all my tape like that._ ”

“ _I’d be more concerned about it hurting when taking it off._ ”

Liz shrugged. “ _Drafting tape is pretty weak in that regard. It’s only meant to keep paper from moving around on the table, not attach things long-term._ ”

Cosmos nodded, then the two made their way out of the room and, pausing briefly to let Cosmos grab their wallet and keys, left for ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say that Shelley was gonna have his own issues to deal with. ;n; He does his best to try and cope with that whole incident, but sometimes the bad stuff just hits ya. At least he can be confident that no matter how many accidental doppelgangers he runs into or stray old photographs he comes across, his grandfather is legitimately no danger to him anymore outside of the lingering effects of that trauma. Cuz that asshole’s deeaaad, and ironically enough considering what he was threatening to do to his grandson, his death was by choking (: And it’s also a good thing that Shelley’s other trigger is a relatively obscure word. Like, how often do you think of the word “larynx” unless you’re into medical stuff or you’ve had issues with your own? Most people would more readily use the term “vocal cords” or “voice box”. Also because I think someone might ask about it, I know about the drafting tape because I was given a roll as part of my tool kit for my crappy art “college”. I’ve put different kinds of tape on my arms and such for no real reason, just to see what they felt like I guess, and drafting tape’s really not too sticky. It’s meant to be put on paper and removed easily, of course. If it were stickier than it is, it’d rip the paper.
> 
> Cosmos’s drive-thru horn trick was inspired by an AMA I read a while back held by a mute guy. He’d lost his voice due to an accident rather than a birth defect, so his stuff was more about trying to figure things out that he hadn’t had to think about prior to that, but the day-to-day stuff was still interesting and useful for reference’s sake. Though apparently on the other end the horn trick is pretty startling to the employee, but y’know, sometimes you just can’t go inside and you need to use the drive-thru even if you are unable or unwilling to speak vocally. Like if you got a buncha groceries in the car. Do not go into a restaurant when there’s groceries in your car, they might get nastie while you’re in there.


	4. You're Simply Breathtaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with some hospital stuff. There’s no blood or gore or anything but there is major airway distress, and especially in the current global climate I wanted to warn for that.

Even with apartment life going as smoothly as it had been, it didn’t change the fact that the classes were still pretty stressful. Both Cosmos and Liz were feeling the pressure, especially as they both happened to currently be going through a lot of heavy math. They often ended up being each other’s sleep coaches, making sure the other got to bed at a decent hour. Unfortunately, neither one was very good at it, and so they were both super tired a lot of the time.

“Hey. Hey, Cosmos, c’mon. It’s class time, not nap time.”

They felt their head being gently lifted as the person beside them whispered harshly in their ear. Once they were holding themself up, they groggily turned to see the person who had woken them. “ _You’re not L-cake._ ”

“You’re right about that,” Jaymee groaned. “Geez, you need to stay awake during class, y’know. I’m not gonna be a cop about this, but you’re paying to be here so you should at least try.”

“ _Sorry._ ” Cosmos shook their head a bit and tried to open their eyes more. “ _L-cake and I have both been having trouble getting enough sleep lately._ ”

“Dang, that’s rough,” Jaymee said with a frown. Her frown soon turned to a knowing sort of smirk. “Have you two been keeping each other up with some... _adult fun time?_ Ehhh?” She playfully nudged them with her elbow.

Cosmos’s face instantly felt red hot and they shook their head fervently. “ _We’re roommates, not lovers!_ ”

“Yeesh, sorry, that was probably too personal for me to ask about huh,” Jaymee said. “Regular fun time, then?” she asked. “I know you said you brought your 64 over.”

“ _No, we’ve been trying to get each other to go to bed earlier. We’ve just got a lot of class stress between the two of us._ ”

“I getcha.” Jaymee paused, then asked, “Wait, so you guys really _aren’t_ together? Like not even in early relationship terms? Coulda sworn you were, the way I’ve seen you looking at her when you’re together.”

In truth, Cosmos really didn’t want to say the correct answer to that question. They cared very much for Liz as a friend, yes, but they’d come to realize that they might have stronger feelings for her than just friendship. That warmth they’d felt when thinking about her had started to seem more than just platonic affection. “ _I do like her like that,_ ” they admitted. “ _I haven’t told her yet, though. Since we’re both so busy, I don’t want to distract her from classes with a relationship if she’s not in the right mindset for it at the moment._ ”

“No harm in asking though, right?” Jaymee suggested. “Worst thing that can happen is that she says no. You seem like the kind of person who’d respect a ‘let’s stay friends’, at least.”

“ _I could, but I’m also worried if I try to take our relationship further than she’s comfortable she won’t even want that..._ ”

Jaymee put a reassuring hand on their shoulder and nodded in understanding. “Wish I could help you more with that, kid,” she said, “but the only girl I’ve ever felt like that about said yes as soon as I asked to start dating, sooooo...good luck with that, I guess?”

Cosmos shrugged and tried their best to listen to the rest of the lecture. They’d already missed like half of it due to both their tiredness and the conversation with Jaymee, but hopefully they could piece it together from what they managed to catch. Not to mention they were still thinking about their feelings for Liz. Would they tell her? Would they keep it to themself? They knew that finding love in school was kind of a Stargazer family trend, but they didn’t know if that was really such a good idea for either of them at this point...

\-----

December came with the force of a polar express, and it was already decidedly clear that this would likely _not_ be Cosmos’s month. The holiday displays had been out in full force, and the stores thought it wise to spray the appropriate fragrances around them, meaning they had to mask up way more often than they’d like during the winter months. They were still super mentally drained from school, especially with finals coming up in a few weeks before winter break, and all this smelly holly-gingerbread-mistletoe-ho-ho-pine-cocoa crap was _not_ helping with that. Bright side was that it kept their face warm, which was helpful given that they did happen to be in a part of California that did actually experience a bit of winter.

On top of everything, they were getting worried by the rumors they’d been seeing in the astrology newsletters they were subscribed to; every mention of Dr. Carl Sagan led to the possibility that he was not doing okay. They probably shouldn’t have cared about that quite as much as they did, as it wasn’t like they would ever meet the guy unless they got really lucky, but given that he was one of the two biggest influences toward their current life goals they couldn’t help but be concerned. He was basically a celebrity, one of the sciences rather than acting or music, and they remembered one of Holly’s friends getting really upset a few years ago when they’d heard about what happened to the guy who made the Muppets...

Things were just not going well that first week of December, and early in the second a new problem arose: a leak had formed in the ceiling of Cosmos’s bathroom, and water had begun uncomfortably dripping right above the toilet. They groaned internally, putting aside their feeling of disgust from the fact that it _had_ to be toilet water from the person living upstairs, and grabbed the mop bucket from the laundry room to collect the leaking water until they or Liz could get in touch with either Upstairs or apartment management about this.

After taking care of the matter as best they could, they collapsed onto the couch in frustration. Liz was in the chair nearby taking a break from classwork, and she grimaced upon seeing them in such a state. “ _Leak in the bathroom?_ ” she asked. “ _Since you took the bucket and all..._ ”

Cosmos nodded. “ _Right over the toilet too._ ”

“ _That’s the worst place for that._ ”

“ _We’re gonna have to get ahold of maintenance,_ ” Cosmos said. “ _Or tell Upstairs, but I really don’t wanna have to deal with Upstairs today._ ” They sighed, and flopped over into a laying position.

Since neither of them had classes on Mondays this semester, the two of them had started a weekly tradition of getting either fast food or takeout to help them power through the homework sessions, and when they were out getting some tacos a few hours after discovering it Cosmos couldn’t help but dwell on that leaky ceiling. Moreover, they were also dwelling on the fact that they were starting to feel the urge to make use of the very fixture situated directly underneath the leak. It always seemed like you got the feeling of needing to use the bathroom when just going was as inconvenient as possible.

When they got home and put the bag of tacos on the counter, Cosmos was starting to feel discomfort from their biological needs. They hadn’t wanted to go with the option they were currently considering, just in case Liz had things in there that she wanted to keep private, but they figured they’d rather see some potentially embarrassing things that they would never mention unless asked about than have to put up with filthy toilet water dribbling in their hair as they tried to relieve themself. “ _Can I use your bathroom while I’m thinking about it?_ ” they asked. “ _I’ll be quick in there, I promise._ ”

“ _Of course, I was going to offer that anyway._ ” Liz smiled reassuringly.

“ _Thank you so much!_ ” Cosmos quickly made their way into the master bathroom and tried to take care of their needs as quickly as possible. As they were handling things (and the mental image of a pair of fake teeth floating in the bowl came back to them out of nowhere and made them internally giggle), they couldn’t help but notice an odd sweet smell, with a hint of spice. Was Liz baking something? They figured they would've been told if there was baking going on, unless it was a surprise...?

As they finished up at the toilet and began to wash their hands, they couldn’t get that smell out of their mind, and more pressingly out of their nose. What was becoming increasingly worrying was that they felt a familiar tickling sensation in their sinuses and the back of their throat, and they weren’t sure if it was just paranoia or something more, but they were starting to have difficulty taking full breaths. They turned around to leave the bathroom, and that’s when they saw it. Jammed right into one of the outlets was one of those plug-in air fresheners. They had to stay as calm as possible, lest they potentially exacerbate things. They were probably too far along in their reaction for their usual afterward measures to work quickly enough, and they’d come in here without a mask or any other precautionary measures so they’d been standing around in that fragrance zone for several minutes already with no protection, so there was really only one option left.

Calm as they could, Cosmos made their way back into the main room and knocked on the dining room table to get Liz’s attention. She looked up at them, her previously pleasant expression starting to show some concern. “ _Please try not to freak out,_ ” Cosmos told her, “ _but I think you forgot one of the fragrance things and now I’m having trouble breathing. I’m going to need you to take me to the hospital._ ”

Immediately Liz’s eyes widened. She nodded and ran back into her room to grab her keys and wallet, then immediately ran back out and pulled Cosmos out of the apartment and down to her car. Once they were both in Liz sped out of the parking lot, throughout the entire drive panicking despite Cosmos’s insistence that she shouldn’t. “I-i’m sorrrry, I'm so-sorry, I was-wasn’t thi-thin...thinking...” she said through choked sobs, her hands unable to speak in place of her mouth due to having a near death-grip on the steering wheel. “I b-bought that p-plu...thing a c-couple daaays ag...ago...I for-forgot and d-didn’t think you’d n-need to be in my b-ba-bath...”

Cosmos didn’t care for the reason why. As far as they were concerned, everyone made mistakes and they had gotten used to much more egregious allergen ignorance, not to mention Liz had taken great care to prevent this sort of thing up to this point. All that mattered was that they could get medical attention asap.

Thankfully their apartment was very close to a hospital, and it wasn’t too long before Liz was helping Cosmos through the doors of the emergency room. As Liz was trying her best to explain the issue through both her panic and normal stutter which was made worse by said panic, all Cosmos could think of oddly enough was their feelings towards her. They’d been through nearly this exact situation a few times before, but any time this happened there was a chance they might not make it. They had to say _something_ just in case...

Someone soon came by to take them into a room, bringing along a wheeled bed just in case they might lose consciousness. As they were preparing to go in, with the last of their mental energy, Cosmos showed Liz a single sign that would tell her all they needed to say.

“ _I love you._ ”

\-----

Well, this wouldn’t be the first time Cosmos had woken up in a hospital bed with a breathing tube down their throat.

They groggily looked around the room they were in. They must have passed out from a lack of oxygen sometime between arrival and now. They could see Liz in a chair beside them, her head in her hands and her expression clearly worried. They waved at her to get her attention, and once she saw they were awake her eyes widened before she sighed in relief.

“Oh good, looks like you’ve come back to us,” said a relieved voice that wasn’t Liz. Cosmos turned their head as best they could to see a doctor with a soft expression. “It’s a good thing your friend here was able to get you in as quick as she did,” the doctor said, “or else you might be a lot worse off." Cosmos gave the doctor a thumbs-up. “Now if you don’t mind, we’d like to keep an eye on you for a couple hours to make sure your condition is fully stabilized, and after that you’ll be free to leave.” They nodded in understanding, then made a motion of writing on their hand with their finger. Thankfully the doctor understood what they meant, and he handed them a clipboard with some paper and a pen that he had likely brought in for their use in the first place.

Cosmos wrote down what they wanted to ask as quick as they could, though as they didn’t want to try and sit up for fear of messing with the tube it was a fairly awkward angle to do so. “ _how long you think ill have this in then? the whole time?_ ”

“Probably not,” the doctor said. “We’re going to want to see if you're back to normal without the tube, of course. You seem surprisingly calm about this, considering what’s happened. Didn’t even try to talk through the tube like people usually do.”

“ _not the first time – cant talk anyway_ ”

“Oh, sorry about that,” the doctor said, thankfully without the pitying look that a lot of people tended to give them when they brought that up. They honestly preferred this handling of the matter, it was a lot more casual and much less treating them as though they were broken just because they couldn’t do something everyone else could. “Anyway, the way things are looking it seems that you’ll be fine now that you’re not in contact with the substance that triggered your reaction,” the doctor continued. He turned his attention to Liz. “What was it you said did this, again?”

“Gl...Glade pl-plug-in,” Liz told him. “The aaapple cin...cinnammmon kind...”

“Right.” The doctor pushed his glasses up his nose, quickly checking the machine that the breathing tube was attached to. “Well, I’m going to give you some time alone, as you already seem to be improving quite well,” he said. “If anything starts going south, I’m sure your friend will get in touch with someone asap.” He turned back to Liz, who nodded in agreement, and then he glanced at the machine once more before leaving the room.

“ _I’m so sorry about all of this,_ ” Liz told them once the doctor had gone. “ _I don’t know why I got that when I knew about your allergies, I didn’t even know things would get this bad and that’s no excuse..._ ”

“ _It’s okay, it’s okay, mistakes happen._ ” Cosmos smiled for her, at least as best they could with the tube getting in the way. “ _Thanks for getting me help so fast. Shame our tacos are probably stone cold by now._ ”

Liz smiled as well, wiping a forming tear from her eye. “ _I’m just glad you’re okay._ ” The two of them sat there for a while, neither saying anything before Liz asked, “ _Did you mean what you said before you passed out? The ‘I love you’ thing?_ ”

Cosmos nodded. “ _Couldn’t risk passing out and never waking up without letting you know. It’s never gotten that bad before, but just in case..._ ”

“O-oh, I...Iiiiiii...” Liz’s blue face turned a deep purple from blushing. “ _I think I’ve felt the same way for some time now. I didn’t want to bring it up though, the stress of everything seemed like it was getting to you and I didn’t know if you really wanted a relationship on top of that..._ ”

“ _That's why I never brought it up sooner too!_ ” Cosmos sighed in relief. “ _Would it be too tasteless to say you’re breathtaking?_ ”

“D-do-dooon’t—!” Liz clapped her hands over her mouth, letting out a whine. “ _Don’t joke about that! You could have died!_ ”

“ _Not with how quick you got me here._ ”

Liz gave a weak smile. “ _I think...I should try to say my feelings vocally,_ ” she eventually said. “ _If I can push through my stutter to say that, no matter how many times it takes to get it all out, I must really mean it._ ”

“ _You don’t have to push yourself,_ ” Cosmos insisted. “ _I believe you mean it with sign alone._ ”

“ _I know, but I want to prove this to myself._ ” Liz took in a deep breath and began. “I...I-I llllo...lo...I lo-love...I l-looove y-you!” she half-shouted. “Iiii l-love you sssooo m-mmmuch!” Cosmos clapped lightly, proud of her despite having told her she didn’t have to do that.

“ _So you think we can set up a proper date soon?_ ” Cosmos asked hopefully. “ _I’m free Friday nights._ ”

“ _Friday sounds great._ ” Liz smiled, then stood up to approach the bed. She put her hand in theirs and squeezed gently. “ _Do you think you’d be okay with just the doctor for a bit?_ ” she asked. “ _I wanna go ahead and get rid of that air freshener before bringing you back while I’m thinking about it. I can fridge our tacos too, unless the ants have made a comeback._ ”

“ _Sure, just let the doc know before you leave._ ”

Liz nodded, running a comforting hand through their hair before heading out.

The next hour and a half was standard hospital fare. Cosmos spent most of it laying in the bed, bored but not willing to risk jostling anything to try and get some entertainment. The doctor came back several times to examine them, and after about an hour of this he removed the tube and allowed them to breathe unaided so he could examine that as well. It wasn’t too long after that that Cosmos was filling out paperwork for billing information (oh lord, they were going to get the _most_ concerning email from their mother, and their friends back home if she told them about this) and getting ready to leave. They’d been expecting to meet Liz in the parking lot as they prepared to head out, but instead they nearly ran into each other as she was jogging down the hall on the way to their room. “ _Couldn’t wait to see me again?_ ”

“ _I just didn’t want to leave you alone for too long._ ” Liz brushed her hair out of her face and smiled. “ _Everything’s taken care of back at the apartment, plug-in’s gone, bathroom’s being ventilated, and the tacos are safe. Ready to go?_ ”

“ _More than ready._ ”

As if to further agree, a low grumble emanated from both of their stomachs, reminding them that in all the chaos of what had just transpired neither of them had had the opportunity to eat. They both laughed a little at the noises, then headed out with Cosmos’s clean bill of health. Tacos were sounding _really_ good at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of an awkward moment to confess your love to someone, isn’t it hehe. In all fairness idk how bad one’s allergic reaction would have to be to get to the point where you’ve got a tube helping you breathe for upwards of an hour (prolly shoulda researched that sort of thing, it’s not like my search history can get any more confusing with what I’ve looked up for creative research), but that was just The Image that kept flashing in my mind in the lead-up to writing this part. And given that Cosmos’s guard toward their allergies would be lowered in the apartment due to Shelley having insisted on taking their allergies very seriously prior to this, this one slip-up would’ve been a lot harder on them, even more so as they don’t immediately recognize it as a “danger” scent with which they can just leave and grab some precautions. It’s a good thing they’re so familiar with their symptoms, at least, and that Shelley’s able to think clearly enough to get them help even as he’s panicking...
> 
> Was originally gonna have the Sagan thing as one of the really sucky things that were making Cosmos’s mood suffer as being more than just rumors of failing health, but I’d mixed up the dates and thought he’d passed earlier in the month than he did. Probably not gonna address that event directly in this story anymore because of that, but either way winter break for Cosmos is gonna be saaaad :C At least it’ll be nowhere near as heavy on them as when they lost their dad, and in any case they’ve got friends to help them with the sad, and now a romantic partner too.
> 
> (btw next chapter is when our boy Shelley comes out, get ready for that :3c )


	5. Self-Discovery

January came both sooner than expected and not soon enough. December had had some particularly low moments for Cosmos, and yet it also had been one of the best Decembers they could remember. They had a girlfriend now! They hadn’t had a romantic partner in years, and they’d nearly forgotten how happy it made them. They told their friends about the relationship of course, though they were careful to leave out the exact story of how they had decided to become official, lest they worry people and enrage at least one of them in particular. Even so, they had wanted to get back to school as soon as possible, and not just for the sake of romance. The classes they had this next semester looked like they were going to be interesting, or at least much less stressful than the previous one.

They were coming back from class one day when they saw some odd commotion near their apartment. They had been unable to find a parking spot closer to the apartment, so they’d had to park on the other side of the building and thus come up to their apartment from a different way than usual. When they ascended the stairs, however, they found the older couple they’d seen on their way in standing near the apartment door, talking to one another. The breezy corridor made it a bit difficult to make out what they were saying, or maybe their focus was a bit shot after class, but they were able to catch snippets of conversation.

“...don’t know if...class today...even in...?”

“...car’s out front...just a quick knock...won't be startled by _us_...”

As Cosmos approached cautiously, the woman of the couple who was holding a lumpy-looking package took notice of their presence. “Oh, hello there,” she said with a polite smile. “Would you happen to be one of the people living at this apartment?” Cosmos nodded. “That’s a relief,” the woman said. “I’m Margaret Shelley, Liz’s mother, and this is my husband and her father Victor.”

“Pleased to finally meet the...partner? That’s the right term, right?” Victor asked nervously. Cosmos smiled and nodded again, noticing that Victor had held out his hand to shake and taking it to do so. “So what is it you’re studying again?"

Cosmos took the time to adjust their bag so they could have both hands free for more word variety. “ _Astronomy! I’ve been into space stuff since I was a kid._ ”

Victor raised an eyebrow briefly. It took a second, but he soon realized what was going on. “Oh right, she _did_ say you don’t talk,” he said. “That probably explains how you two got so close in the first place, huh?” Cosmos nodded with a smile. “So, uh, do you know if Liz is in?” Victor asked. “We wanted to visit for a bit and bring her something, but it’d be kinda rude for us to just come in when she’s not here, even if we were let in by her partner.”

“ _If she didn’t go on a surprise shopping trip or walk or something, she should be in,_ ” Cosmos told them. “ _L-cake doesn’t have classes on Wednesdays this semester, at least I don’t think she does._ ”

“That’s good,” Margaret said. “Well, we wouldn’t want to keep you at the door here, so could you please let her know we’re here?”

Cosmos nodded and gave her a thumbs-up before unlocking the door and entering. Sure enough, Liz was sitting at the table with her drafting supplies out, looking as though she was about to start working on some homework. The opening door drew her attention, and she gave them a wave once she noticed them. “ _You’ve got visitors,_ ” Cosmos told her with a grin.

“ _My parents?_ ” Liz asked, her face looking hopeful.

“ _Yeah, they’re right outside._ ”

Cosmos barely finished the last sign in that statement before Liz was out of her seat and running toward the door. She opened the door and gave both of them big hugs before letting them in. “Gl-glad you guys, guys are...happppy you ca-came!” she exclaimed once they were inside.

“Aw, you know you don’t have to force yourself to talk just for us,” Margaret said, giving her a small hug in return.

“I...I wa-waaant to, at, at lllleast a li...little,” Liz said with a smile. “You g-guys aaalw-ways just, uh, just get emmmails.”

Victor laughed a little. “Hey, so long as we know you’re doin’ okay, we're not picky about how you keep in touch.”

“Oh, before we forget, here’s the thing you asked us to get for you,” Margaret said, handing Liz the lumpy package. Liz took it, her eyes wide in anticipation for whatever was inside. “I included a list of care instructions for you, though if you can get in touch with someone with more experience with this sort of thing then you should probably ask them for more in-depth information.”

Care instructions? Cosmos was curious, but knew better than to pry. Perhaps the thing in the package was some sort of special piece of clothing that had to be washed a certain way or risk being destroyed. Regardless of whatever was in there, Liz was clearly very excited about it. “ _Thank you, thank you!_ ” Liz signed fervently. Guess voice time was over for now, it was nice to hear her while it lasted.

“So you got a place in mind for dinner?” Victor asked. Liz nodded, after which Victor turned to Cosmos. “Oh yeah, we were planning to go out for a meal while we were in the area,” he told them. “You feel like joining us?”

Cosmos considered the idea. They were a bit hungry, and they didn't have any homework to do tonight... “ _Sounds good to me,_ ” they replied. “ _Just gotta put my school stuff away first, then I’ll be ready to go._ ”

“ _I have to put this away too,_ ” Liz said, a bit awkwardly considering her package was now shoved in her armpit and holding it there made it somewhat more difficult to use that arm in signs.

“You kids take care of whatever you need to take care of,” Victor said. “We’ve got all evening, after all.”

With a nod from both of them, Cosmos and Liz both went to get ready, and shortly after they reconvened and the four of them headed out. It was looking to be a pretty enjoyable evening, and not just because of the promise of food.

\-----

It was a few days after meeting Liz’s parents, and that meeting had gotten Cosmos to start thinking that maybe they should try to get their mom to meet Liz in turn, and perhaps introduce her to some of their friends as well. January wasn’t even over and they were already considering inviting her to spend spring break with them for a change. It would certainly make all the introductions a lot easier than having all of them come here, after all.

Either way, that sort of decision would be better made a couple months down the line. At this particular moment on this particular day, they had a much more concrete concern: they seriously needed to take care of their laundry. They’d been putting it off for a bit because...well, quite frankly, laundry was a very unenjoyable chore, but they had to actually take care of it at some point and they figured that they should take care of it now before it got worse, either in the lack-of-clean-clothes sense or the uncleanliness sense. Their hamper was starting to stink up the closet, anyway.

Cosmos carefully separated their laundry as they’d been taught to do, lights from darks, briefly considering doing towels and washcloths in a separate load before deciding it wasn't worth the trouble. They slipped some of their more recently used face masks into a smaller laundry bag for safety’s sake, then tossed that bag into the first similarly-colored load and began to carry the pile into the laundry room.

As they entered the laundry room and dumped their clothes into the washer, Cosmos couldn’t help but feel that something was different about the room. They couldn’t tell what it was, but they could’ve _sworn_ they saw something that wasn’t usually there. No point in focusing on it when they had clothes to wash, though, and so they took care of that as they usually did. Throw the clothes in, fiddle with the settings, pour in the appropriate amount of unscented detergent. Once the washer had been started, they could now give their attention to figuring out what was different in there.

It didn’t take long to see the small garment that was hanging to dry on a shelf over the dryer. It looked like a sort of crop top undershirt, colored a deep blue with yellow polka dots. Definitely Liz’s thing, both due to her being the only other person living in that apartment and the garment matching a few of her lazy-time outfits and several pairs of socks. Though what it really was, they couldn’t really tell. It looked like something they should know, but they couldn’t quite place...

The memory came to them in an odd sort of haze. It was one of the few times that Uncle Steve had actually been in town to visit for a few days, shortly after he had come out as a man, and they had noticed him drop a similar-looking garment when he was doing some laundry of his own. Not wanting him to miss washing something, they’d grabbed it before he got too far and returned it to him, and when thanking them for it he’d said it was a binder. Was that what this was too? They were definitely curious, but they certainly weren’t going pry. What if this was something Liz—if their partner’s name even _was_ Liz anymore—really wanted to keep private? This was her—his? their?—business, after all, and if Liz didn’t want to tell anyone else than they had no right to force it.

Even so, they figured Liz would want this supposed binder back soon. They touched it with the back of their hand, and it felt dry enough. They might as well go let her know about it. Cosmos made their way to Liz's room and knocked twice on the closed door. One knock response, and they gently opened the door to see Liz laying on her bed with a book in hand. She smiled and waved upon seeing them in her doorway. “ _Your thing in the laundry room seems like it’s dry,_ ” they told her, smiling as well to hopefully ease any potential tension.

Liz’s smile faded slightly, and her eyes widened as she put her book down. “ _Thank you for letting me know,_ ” she replied. “ _I’ll go take a look._ ”

Cosmos figured it wouldn't hurt to at least ask out of curiosity. “ _Binder?_ ” they spelled out, not knowing whether or not there was a proper sign for the type of binder that was meant for the chest. Liz nodded, seeming a bit worried. “ _I won’t ask any more, please don’t worry,_ ” they told her. “ _If you wanna say what’s going on, feel free, but don’t force yourself to open up before you're ready._ ”

“ _Thank you again for understanding._ ”

They moved out of the doorway to allow Liz to check on the drying state of her binder. Cosmos was starting to get a little worried, especially with how worried Liz had seemed. They didn’t want her, or him or them, to think that their feelings had changed by discovering that. It really wasn’t that big a deal to them, at least not in the way one might think. The big deal was, of course, their partner’s happiness! They really didn’t be the one to put a dampener on that...

A little while later, it was Cosmos who heard the double knock on their bedroom door. They responded with a single knock as per usual, and Liz stepped in with a nervous grin. She made that universal “how do I look” gesture, and Cosmos could already tell that she had put the binder on. They gave her a thumbs-up, and she hopped up and down excitedly and giggled. “I-I’m...I lllove it!” she exclaimed, too excited to sign. “Have, have t-to let Mmmom n-know soon!”

“ _I’m really glad it makes you happy,_ ” Cosmos said, and they motioned Liz to come sit on the bed, which she gladly did. They put their arm around her and smiled, giving her a small hug.

“S-so, yeah,” Liz said, her hands still a little out of control. “I-I g-guess Iiiii...I've b-been think, thinking I...mmmight b-be...I’m a, aaa...” She shook her head out of frustration. “T-too nerve...too n-nervous...”

“ _Maybe try to calm down a bit more so you can sign it?_ ” Cosmos suggested. “ _It’ll mean the same either way._ ”

“C-can’t get ha-hands to stop, stop shhhhaking,” Liz said. She was clearly both happy to say whatever she wanted to and anxious because she couldn't just say it. “I, I think, think Iiii’m t...tra...trans!” he finally exclaimed. “I’m a mmmman!”

Cosmos clapped a little in encouragement. “ _I’m so happy for you!_ ” they told him with a grin. “ _Congrats on coming out! If it’s not too personal, can I ask how you found out?_ ”

“Some, someone onnn this, uh, this game, gaming fffforum c-called me a g-guy over, over winter break,” Liz said giddily. “I w-was gonna co-correct thhhem but, uh, but it, um, fffff...see, seemed right? And, and then, aaand then af-afterrr a while of thin-thinking I t-told Mmmmom and D-dad and, and, and they said, they s-said they’d ssssupport me n-no mmmatter what and Mom, Mom d-did some mmmore re-res...nngh, rrreessseaaarchh aaand got me, uh, got me this, this binder I’d been, been llllooking at on-online...”

“ _Glad your parents are really good about that,_ ” Cosmos told him. “ _I’ve heard about people with parents who ignore that, or worse._ ”

Liz took a deep breath, finally managing to stop his nervous hands from shaking. “ _I’m glad too,_ ” he signed once he could get his hands under control. “ _I should’ve expected them to react the way they did, that’s why I went to them in the first place, but it’s still a big relief. And you too, but then again you’re not exactly your assigned gender either._ ”

“ _True._ ” Cosmos thought for a bit. “ _So...you knew since winter break?_ ” they asked. “ _Any reason you didn’t tell me sooner? Did you just want to keep it between you and the parents for a while? I’d hate to have been making you uncomfortable this whole time by unknowingly misgendering you..._ ”

“ _I was worried, I guess,_ ” Liz admitted. “ _Not that I thought you’d hate me for being trans, but because I thought we’d have to break up. I thought you were only into girls, but I love you so much and I didn’t want to break your heart..._ ”

“ _L-cake, I’m pan,_ ” Cosmos told him. “ _The only way gender matters to me in a relationship is how it affects my partner’s well-being._ ” They paused, realizing what they’d called their boyfriend for the millionth time. “ _Wait, should I still be calling you L-cake?_ ” they asked. “ _Your new name might not be L, or do you even have a new name yet?_ ”

Liz shook his head. “ _I’m still brainstorming that,_ ” he said. “ _I’ll probably think of something better soon, but I know I'm gonna keep my middle name even though it’s pretty feminine-sounding too, so maybe I can go by that initial for a while until I do. It’s an L name, so L-cake can still work until then too._ ”

“ _Cool! Sooo what’s your middle name, again?_ ”

“ _I never told you that, did I?_ ” L laughed a little. “ _It might honestly sound a little silly, but I always thought it sounded kinda badass. Lavenza._ ”

“ _Yeah, that does sound badass._ ”

L leaned against Cosmos, sighing in relief. “ _Thanks for being chill about this,_ ” he said. “ _It means the world to me._ ”

“ _I’ve got no excuse not to be,_ ” Cosmos insisted. “ _Aside from me being nonbinary, I know a bunch of trans men already._ ” They thought for a bit, considering whether or not they should give any examples. They decided to leave it at just two guys, they knew that those two were super open about being trans and didn’t care if people told others. “ _My uncle Steve is trans, and you remember Boris right? So is he!_ ”

L gasped in surprise. “ _I never would’ve guessed! He must be have known for way longer and gotten more done for it._ ” He paused, then asked, “ _Do you think you could get in touch with your trans guy friends and ask them for some advice for me? I’m still new to this whole thing, and even though Mom found me some guidelines on how to safely use this binder, I think getting perspective from another trans man would help more and she’d probably agree as a medical professional._ ”

“ _I can most definitely do that for you._ ”

\-----

_**To:** Hab_B@PedalMail.cob, gardeninggardenia@mail2.cob, parsleybotch@lawyerup.now, breadbear@wall.uss, pickleboy@meow.now, sgstargazer@travaile.bizi, cheeseburgerman@clowning.cob_  
_**CC:** elshelley@cloudmail.cob_  
_**From:** palebloomdot@PedalMail.cob_  
_**Subject:** Calling the trans man squad_

_Hey guys! I know I don’t keep in contact with some of you as often as I’d like, and while I’d like to catch up I’m sending this email on behalf of someone else. As you can probably guess by the subject, there’s a common thread between all of you—including you, Steve—and it's something that recently my roommate/partner has realized he shares with you guys. Yup, L’s come out as trans! (he’s going by L for now cuz he doesn’t have a Manly Name picked out yet and he’s keeping his middle name regardless) He’s already got some support in me and his parents, as well as his first binder and some care instructions from someone with medical knowledge, but he wanted me to help him get some perspective from other trans men since I knew a good handful of ‘em already. Y’know, good binding practices, tips to help him present more masculinely, anything else you guys can think of that might be helpful. I dunno if he’s going on HRT yet, if at all, but that feels a bit more personal than everything else so I’m gonna leave him to ask about anything wrt that himself._

_I’ve CCed L so that you guys can better contact him directly with any advice you’ve got. Don’t worry, he suggested it so he won’t be bothered._

— _Cosmos / FK_

That should do it, they thought. Cosmos made sure to go over the email with L real quick before sending it out. They wouldn't want to give out more information than he was comfortable sharing, after all. “ _Seven guys to learn from, wow..._ ” L mused as he looked over the send list. “ _That’s seven different perspectives! If they’re all comfortable talking about this stuff, anyway._ ”

“ _I’m sure they'll be willing to help you out,_ ” Cosmos replied. “ _They’re all good dudes, and they’re probably down to give some advice to a fellow guy. Though Steve and Parsley are pretty busy guys in general so they probably won’t be as quick to respond as the others._ ”

L gave them a weird look. “ _One of these guys is named Parsley? Really?_ ”

“ _Hey, he probably picked it himself._ ”

“ _True..._ ”

Cosmos smiled, then set about sending that email. They’d sent it to as many trans men as they could think of, though they could be missing someone. If so, then whoever he was, he probably just didn’t feel comfortable talking about being trans so they didn't know about it. And that was more than fine! They were just glad their friends could be happy as themselves no matter how open about the subject they were.

Just as they were happy for their now-boyfriend to have began his journey of self-discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!! FINALLY I can let myself start referring to Shelley properly in the story! Now obviously he doesn’t have his new name picked out yet so I’m gonna still refer to him by his surname in the notes here (if you’ve seen my art of him you already Know what he ends up going with), but I think he’s gonna pick it out next time the way I feel this is going, hehe. Also the emails are for all the Habitat dudes I could remember personally headcanoning as trans dudes, and the line about Cosmos potentially missing someone is just leaving it open for those I either don’t know about being trans or can’t remember how I sit on that idea. After all, it’s very possible that literally everyone who was at the Habitat is trans! You never know! We have confirmation of one person who canonically falls under the trans umbrella and that’s Tim Tam, and beyond that LimboLane basically said all your trans headcanons are valid. :D
> 
> I think that if Cosmos hadn’t come across his binder drying in the laundry room, Shelley might’ve come out to them a few days later. I can’t imagine him wanting to hide that for too much longer, even if it meant risking not being compatible with their attraction anymore. Though I’m sure that if Cosmos _had_ in fact been interested in girls only, finding out Shelley is a guy would more likely lead to some further introspection on their own attraction rather than just dumping him because man, that’s just how they are :3 As to why Shelley’s parents refer to him as “she” in the first part even though they’re supportive of him being trans, I can’t decide between him wanting to try a binder before beginning to refer to himself as he/him or the parents just not wanting to out him without his permission even to someone who presumably wouldn’t make a big deal about it, so just imagine whichever of those feels more appropriate. Hell, it could even be both.


	6. My Teddy Bear

It was one thing to realize something new about yourself and be comfortable with that, as well as talking with people who shared that experience and getting advice. It was quite another to deal with how the rest of the world would take it, and Cosmos could see that it was starting to grind L down a bit. The school’s take hadn’t been so bad, thankfully enough. L had wanted to go in and get his records changed to reflect his current gender as soon as possible, and while they weren’t adverse to doing so they suggested waiting until he had a new name picked out so they could take care of all of that at once. That proved to be an issue, considering that he had been very indecisive with his name choice, and he knew he _wanted_ a new name but just not _what_ to claim as his own.

The real problem seemed to be strangers in public, other patrons in a store or fellow diners in a restaurant. Every utterance of “what can I get for you ladies” and “how can I help you ma’am” and “excuse me miss” from fellow customers and servers alike was just completely frustrating, even if it was easily corrected. L may have been happy with himself and his new identity, but even with being able to wear looser clothing due to the fairly cool weather alongside the occasional binding to flatten his chest, he still looked pretty feminine even when his rare necessary speaking moments didn’t give him away. He and Cosmos both understood that most strangers wouldn’t see him as a man immediately, and at least they were there to reassure him when he needed it and his new email confidants were not available.

Even with the frustrations, however, L seemed to be taking things in stride. A surprise birthday date had helped to boost his spirits, even if the scheduling was a bit of a misunderstanding on both their parts (L had legitimately forgotten the _other_ occasion on that day, and how was Cosmos to know his birthday was on Valentine’s Day?). As spring break began to seem closer and closer, Cosmos figured it was about time to ask about the idea they’d had for a while. “ _So do you have any plans for spring break?_ ” they asked one day after they’d both come home from class.

L thought for a bit. “ _No, not really,_ ” he replied. “ _I was mainly just going to go home and spend time with my parents, but nothing specific. They might’ve had some surprises in mind, I don’t know._ ”

“ _Do you think maybe..._ ” Cosmos paused, not quite sure how to word the question. “ _Would you maybe like to come and spend spring break with me? I’d kinda like to introduce you to my friends if you're up for it._ ”

L seemed surprised by the suggestion. “ _I’ll think about it,_ ” he said, “ _but I don’t see why I couldn’t. I’d obviously have to let my parents know if I do so they won’t be expecting me to show up. Maybe they could take that time to go on a second honeymoon._ ” He laughed a little bit at that thought.

“ _There’s still a few weeks to make that decision, at any rate._ ” Cosmos smiled. “ _I’d certainly be glad to have you over if you take me up on the offer._ ”

\-----

It didn’t take long for L to make his decision, and once the weeks passed and the semester was over he and Cosmos were piling their stuff into the latter’s car to head out. They’d figured it would be easier for the two of them to ride in the same car than to have L follow Cosmos and potentially get lost. As the drive was around an hour, two hours if taking the most scenic route, getting lost would still be a possibility without accurate directions, and it wasn’t like either of them had thought to get a GPS device yet. Maybe they’d try and find a couple good ones over the break, but for now they were just happy to spend time together.

They pulled into a rest stop to stretch their legs and take care of other things. It was one of those ones that didn’t really have any active staff around, so neither of them had to worry about the speaking issue unless another patron of the rest stop tried to talk to them, which was unlikely. As Cosmos was coming out from the area with the vending machines carrying some snacks they’d gotten, they saw L sitting at a nearby bench with a notebook in his hand. He was looking over whatever was on that page with a very thoughtful expression, and he almost didn’t notice when Cosmos sat on the bench beside him and put the snacks down. “ _Taking notes on the directions?_ ” Cosmos asked.

L shook his head, turning the notebook so that they could see the page. “Thin, thinking about nnnnames,” he said. “I, I want...wanna hhhave a g-good one pi...picked bef, before we...arrrrive.”

He handed the notebook to Cosmos, encouraging them to look through all his ideas. There were two lists of potential names, the longer list labeled as “fits the theme” and the shorter labeled as “doesn’t fit but sounds good”. Frankly, none of the names seemed to have anything in common in Cosmos’s mind aside from being masculine in some way. The ones that didn’t fit whatever “theme” he was going for were Aaron, Mars, Rolo, and Taffy. They suspected he was just in the mood for candy when thinking of a few of these, to be perfectly honest. The ones fitting the “theme” seemed to have much more thought put into them, with a lot of notations alongside each one.

Victor – runs the risk of ‘junior’ jokes  
Justin – masc version of Justine? _(this name had a star beside it)  
_ Alphonse – too old-fashioned? also dad’s middle name so maybe weird and might be a ‘junior’ risk  
Theodore – also maybe too old-fashioned but a little less _(this name had a star as well)  
_ E– _(most of this name was obscured by heavy scribbles crossing it out)_ –t NO nope not that name never I remembered whose name that is nope  
William – Bill’s a pretty common nn  
Robert – same as Bill but with Bob or Rob  
Henry – simple, classic

“ _What’s the theme you’re going for?_ ” Cosmos asked after sitting the notebook on their lap.

“ _Frankenstein._ ” L smiled. “ _Somehow my entire family ended up getting names that have something to do with Frankenstein in some way, mostly my mom’s side, and I really want to keep that theme if I can. I know I don’t have to, but it’d still be neat._ ”

Cosmos gave him a thumbs-up, handing his notebook back to him. They both sat there for a bit, enjoying their snacks as L continued to muse over his name choices. While Cosmos wanted him to make his own decision, it was _his_ name after all and he was going to have to live with it unless he decided to change it again, there was something about one of the names that really caught their attention. They tapped L’s shoulder to encourage him to look over to them, then let him know what was on their mind. “ _Theodore’s nickname,_ ” they said with a grin. “ _You can be my T-E-D-D-Y-bear._ ”

L let out a small gasp of surprise. “T-Ted...Teddy...Ted-Teddy b-b-bear...” He smiled and nodded enthusiastically, his face turning purple from blushing, then turned back to his notebook and circled the name “Theodore” several times. It seemed that all he needed to make his decision was something sentimental like that. He gave Cosmos a tight hug, bouncing his legs so excitedly that the notebook was jostled out of his lap and landed on the ground. “Wwwoops...”

\-----

Once they’d gotten back on the road, they were able to make very good time the rest of the way and were soon pulling into the driveway of Cosmos’s childhood home. They knew their mom still enjoyed essential oils for personal use, so they had emailed her well in advance so she could clear out the fumes in preparation for their return. She’d also been informed of the guest that would be staying with them, and she had been absolutely delighted to welcome him into their home for the duration of break. And now it would be time to make some proper introductions.

“ _I promise you she’ll be super happy to have you here,_ ” Cosmos reassured their boyfriend as they got out of the car. “ _She’s gonna love you, and she won’t judge if you don’t wanna speak vocally. I mean,_ _she’s pretty well-versed in reading sign as is given the obvious._ ”

“ _I should at least try to introduce myself vocally so she can hear my new name_ ,” Teddy insisted. “ _I wanna hear myself say it a few more times anyway, make it feel more official._ ”

Cosmos nodded, then made their way to the front door. It always felt weird to knock on their own front door, but even though they still had the key they didn’t want to just let themself in without warning. So they gave a few quick knocks to the door, and from deeper within the house they could hear an all too familiar voice shouting a muffled “I’m coming, I’m coming!” Footfalls approached the door and shortly after it opened, and as soon as Rosalyn saw who had knocked on her door she squealed in delight. “Babyyyy!” she exclaimed, pulling Cosmos in close for a hug. “Aaaa, welcome home! _God_ , I know it’s only been a few months but I’ve missed yooouu!” They stood there for a few seconds in embrace, Cosmos patting their mom’s back and smiling fondly. Soon enough, Rosalyn’s attention was drawn to the third person present. “And this is your new...boyfriend, right?” she asked, and Cosmos nodded. “Oh, it’s such a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“Lllike, llikewise,” Teddy said, holding out his hand for her to shake. “Mmmmy na-name, my, my nnnname’s, uh, I-I’m Th...Theo, Theodore.”

“Aw, it’s nice to have you here, Theodore,” Rosalyn said with a smile. She shook his hand amicably, then held out her arms as an offer to turn that handshake into a hug, which he happily accepted. “So it _is_ Theodore, then?” she asked. “Or do you have a less formal nickname you’d like me to use instead?”

“ _Teddy would be great._ ” He grinned. Seemed like Teddy had had enough with vocalizing for a bit, but he looked proud of himself nonetheless.

“All right, Teddy.” Rosalyn grinned. “You’re welcome here any time you wanna drop by, and you can talk as much or at little as you like while you’re here. Do either of you need help with bags or anything?”

“ _Think we got it, thanks Mom._ ”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all! Let me know if you actually do need help though, okay?”

Cosmos gave her a thumbs-up, then they and Teddy went about getting their things while Rosalyn went back inside, mentioning something about making them snacks. “ _Your mom seems really nice,_ ” Teddy told them as they pulled out a large bag full of clothes. “ _She’d probably get along with my folks, honestly._ ”

“ _Maybe next break I can stay over at your place,_ ” Cosmos said with a smile.

\-----

The rest of that first day back home was dedicated to rest and relaxation. Rosalyn had made a lovely dinner for the two of them using a new recipe she’d been wanting to try for a while, though when she revealed she had been given said recipe from some friends at a Coziest Kitchen party Cosmos had expressed great concern over her potentially getting wrapped up in another multi-level marketing scheme. At least this one didn’t have nearly the potential to kill them if she did, but it still wasn’t worth it for the sake of her finances. Thankfully it seemed she’d just been there to support a friend and maybe get some new pans, but _still_...

After a good (if of slightly suspect origin) meal and some nice conversation, all they wanted to do was sleep. Teddy had suggested he take up the couch that night, considering he was a guest and all, but Cosmos was having none of it. He was more than just a guest, he was an _honored_ guest _and_ their boyfriend! No significant other of theirs was sleeping on the _couch!_ Not unless they weren’t feeling well, at any rate. They had noticed that Rosalyn had converted Holly’s room into a guest room, so he would get to stay in there for the duration of break unless Holly suddenly came home, though that seemed highly unlikely. Honestly they’d gladly share their bed if it were big enough for two to be comfortable on, if Teddy was okay with that.

The next day would, of course, be introductions. Cosmos wanted to introduce Teddy to as many of their friends as he felt comfortable, and the first of these would technically be a re-introduction. They pulled into the driveway of the Habit-Bora house and got out of the car, Cosmos jogging up to the door and Teddy hesitating a bit. Sure, he’d been in regular contact with Boris for a few months now and he’d met both him and Kamal face-to-face half a year ago, but that in-person meeting had been so brief as to be barely a meeting at all...

Kamal was the one to answer the door, and as he did he greeted Cosmos with a hug. “Good to see ya, kiddo,” he said with a laugh before noticing Teddy. “Oh, you brought...!” He stopped himself. “Wait, you probably don’t go by that anymore, do you?” he asked, and Teddy shook his head. “Good thing I caught myself, would hate to disrespect you after only the second time we meet.”

“ _Are B-lily and P-punch home at the moment?_ ” Cosmos asked.

“Yeah, Boris is in the back with the garden as usual, and Putunia should be...” He was interrupted by quick heavy footfalls from upstairs, making their way toward the staircase. “Heroes don’t run on the stairs, remember!” Kamal called behind him, and as Putunia got to a point where she could be seen from the doorway she slowed her pace to a swift walk downward before breaking into a sprint again and colliding with Cosmos.

“Flower power!” Putunia exclaimed, looking up at her friend with sparkles in her eyes. “How’s my sidekick doing? How’s grown-up school?”

“ _It’s going good!_ ” Cosmos told her, playfully ruffling her hair a bit. “ _How are things here?_ ”

“Doing real good!” Putunia exclaimed. She then noticed Teddy, who gave her a friendly wave. “Who’s that?” she asked. “Never seen you around here...hero or villain?”

“ _That’s my boyfriend._ ”

“Ohhhhh.” Putunia nodded in understanding. “Hero, then.”

“Why don’t you guys come on in, it’d probably get awkward with us just hanging out on the front stoop,” Kamal suggested with a chuckle. They took him up on that offer and made their way inside, Cosmos and Teddy taking a seat on the couch. “You guys want anything to drink?” he asked.

“ _Soda if you have the good stuff,_ ” Cosmos answered.

“ _Water’s fine for me,_ ” Teddy said.

“Comin’ right up.”

As Kamal got their drinks, Putunia jumped onto the couch between Cosmos and Teddy. She turned to Teddy, a curious look on her face. “So you sign too?” she asked, and Teddy nodded. “Can you not talk like Cosmos, or is it more like my pops where you can most of the time but sometimes can’t?”

“ _I can talk,_ ” Teddy explained. “ _I just don’t like to use my voice._ ”

“You...don’t like talking?” Putunia asked. “Why?”

“Tunes, you really shouldn’t ask people questions like that,” Kamal said as he brought in their drinks. “He might not be comfortable with discussing that.”

“ _It’s okay, she’s just curious, let me demonstrate real quick._ ” Teddy cleared his throat a bit, then let out a sigh. “I, um, I have...have a stut-stutter,” he said. “I-it ge...gets, it some, sometimes gets rrrrreal b-bad. Sign, signing is uuuusually, um, easier.”

“I getcha,” Putunia said. “Hey, you’re a boy the same way my pops is a boy, right?” she asked. Teddy gave her a weird look, and she clarified, “You transed your gender?” Teddy nodded in response. “So are you gonna do regular boy stuff or are you gonna be a rebel boy like Pops? Like keeping the long hair and wearing skirts sometimes, that kinda thing.”

“ _I don’t know yet,_ ” Teddy admitted. “ _I’ve never liked dresses and skirts. I’m still thinking about my hair._ ”

“So why dident any-onme ‘tell ‘me we had Guests?”

Cosmos and Teddy jumped, the latter letting out a squeak of surprise. They turned to see Boris standing behind the couch, a grin on his face. “Hello, Cos-mos!” he said happily. “Itse all ways good to have you Back, and you’ve brought L this time!”

“ _I have my new name picked out now, actually,_ ” Teddy said with a smile of his own. “ _It’s Theodore, Teddy for short._ ”

“Ohhh, Teddy, thatse a nice name,” Boris said with a smile. “I hope it suits you Well.”

“ _It better, it took me weeks to pick it out._ ” Teddy couldn’t help but laugh a little at his own statement, and Boris joined in with a chuckle of his own. “ _How long did it take you?_ ” he asked. “ _To pick a new name after you realized? I can’t imagine you would’ve been given the name Boris before..._ ”

Boris grimaced a bit, and Cosmos could guess as to why. It must be hard thinking back to that time of his life, given...well, everything. His mood changed back to a pleasant one rather quickly though as he said, “Not two long, I domt think? It _has_ been nearley thirty years since then, so I miiiiight not remembrer properly.” Teddy gave him an understanding nod.

\-----

The rest of that day consisted of Cosmos meeting up with some more of their friends, mostly those who were also part of Teddy’s trans men advice group. They were now heading to the Varnnia’s house, both so that Teddy could meet Trencil face to face and so that Cosmos could introduce him to Nat and Trevor. As they pulled into the driveway, Cosmos let out a sigh. “ _I’ve told you about how T-wolf is, right?_ ” Cosmos said. “ _Try not to be too disappointed if he doesn’t take to you right away. He isn’t exactly the most trusting person, and he’s got good reason for that._ ”

Teddy nodded. “ _I won’t pry, or try to force myself into his good graces._ ”

With a small side-hug, Cosmos exited the car with Teddy following shortly after. They approached the door and Cosmos knocked, and less than a couple seconds later the door opened with Trencil standing on the other side. “Good day, Cosmos,” Trencil said warmly. “It Is always a pleasure to see you. And I take it this young fellow is L, yes?”

“ _It’s Theodore now,_ ” Teddy said.

“A pleasure finally meeting you in person, Theodore,” Trencil said. He held out a hand to shake, which Teddy accepted. “Please, come in, I know Trevor has been very excited to see you again. And I’m sure Nat has as well, but you know she just has different ways of showing it.”

The two of them entered the house, and almost immediately Cosmos found themself in the embrace of a hug. “Cosmoooos!” Trevor exclaimed. “Aaaaa, I’ve missed you so much—” Trevor then noticed the new person in the room, and Cosmos could feel him tensing up a bit. “You, uh...so you brought your boyfriend,” he said, slightly guarded as he let go of Cosmos to free up their arms for conversation. “That’s...that’s cool...yeah...”

“ _If it makes you more comfortable, he’s also here to meet T-flower,_ ” Cosmos said, smiling before they realized they hadn’t taken their mask off yet. They pulled it down to let him see their genuine grin. “ _I’ve missed you guys so much, I know we still talk online and I could probably drive here and back in a quick day visit but getting to see you guys without worrying about having to make things quick just feels better._ ”

“Yeah, it does...” Trevor took a step back and, to Cosmos’s surprise, moved over to approach Teddy. “So...Theodore, is it?”

Teddy smiled awkwardly. “ _You can call me Teddy if you want._ ”

“Teddy...right...” Trevor looked down at his feet briefly, then looked back and held out his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you, I guess,” he quickly muttered. Teddy accepted the handshake, glad that this interaction was just a little awkward rather than being entirely hostile. Best he could’ve asked for, given what he understood of the circumstances in general.

“Cosmos is here, yeah?” Nat asked as she came into the room. Her eyes widened when she saw Teddy as well. “Oh, hey, you’re the boyfriend, right?” she asked, and Teddy nodded with a smile. “Nice to meetcha, I’m Nat. I take it you’ve already met Trevor and Dad, so what’s your name?”

“ _It’s Teddy._ ”

“Glad to finally meet you,” Nat said. “Cosmos talks about you a lot, heard nothing but good things.” She then noticed Trevor being kinda distant and added, “You’ll have to excuse my brother, he’s kinda...ehhh about meeting new people.”

“ _It’s all right, really,_ ” Teddy insisted. “ _I’m not upset by him or anything._ ”

“S _o do you guys wanna go out for ice cream in a bit?_ ” Cosmos suggested. “ _I’ve been showing T-bear around town all day, and I figured that nice place we went to last summer would be great, but even better with old friends coming along! If T-flower’s okay with you guys going, anyway._ ”

“Sounds good to me,” Nat said. “I didn’t really have any plans, anyway.” She playfully nudged Trevor’s shoulder. “What do you say? Ice cream social?”

Trevor scratched his head, a bit anxious, then nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good to me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there he is, mister Teddy bear, coming into his own more fully :3 Also the title of this makes more sense now, doesn’t it? A _Star_ -gazer and a Teddy _bear_ , what else comes to mind when you think of stars and bears together other than Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, the bear constellations? 
> 
> Coziest Kitchen is basically a jab at Pampered Chef, I remember when one of those stupid parties most MLMs (multi-level marketing, not men loving men, I wholeheartedly support men loving men) are known for was held here at my house—I don’t even think my mom was ever a member, I think someone just commandeered our house for the party—and I was a kid surrounded by middle-aged-to-old women and it was Weird but at least we got a decent taco ring recipe out of these old biddies selling overpriced scammy cookware sooooo...


End file.
